"i haven't given You the authority to do that yet..."

That little phrase seemed to stand out to shayla as she was working on an entry. It is a good demonstration of how far she's grown in her service and surrender to her Master. She's never 'given' him any authority. He's had it all along. Shayla simply did not realize it at that point.

In many BDSM pairings, as well as a few Gorean pairings she's heard of, that relationship between Master and slave, there are conditions on the girl's part. Agreed-upon contracts, safe-words, limits to the girl's surrender, even things in her life that her Master is not allowed to influence or affect. The term 'Total Power Exchange' comes to mind. The Master and slave 'giving' each other a measure of power in the relationship.

shayla has been under her Master's hand for less than three months, but her enslavement to him has always been very one-sided when it comes to power. Master has all of it. She has absolutely none. Master made it clear to her from the very beginning that any girl that belonged to him would do so on his terms only. No qualifications or conditions. No safety net, save him and her obedience to him. She has not 'given' him any power at all. He quite simply captured and kept his hold on her, on a purely mental level. Even before she'd moved down to him, she was under his control to a great degree. A term that's been used often, one that shayla's always liked, is 'consensually nonconsensual.' Simply put, a girl knowingly leaves all authority, reservations and free will at the door when she enters into her Master's service.

Scary? Oh, yes, very much so. She fought it, tried to retain some level of self that she could keep from him. It never worked. He always slipped past her defenses and sunk further into her psyche. As he said, he's very good at breaking down barriers. Does this mean that he left her no options? Not in the least. Master warned her, more than once before she came to him, 'run, girl, while you still can.' Even after coming here, Master's asked, in all seriousness, if she was happy in his service. He is many things, but Master'd not keep a girl in his service if she unable to be happy there. Shayla is as committed to him and his service now, more so, even, as she was the first day when she walked, terrified of what she was doing, into his door. She will serve him and be his as long as he allows it.

And that seems to be a key. Master allows shayla to be employed outside the home, to continue her friendships with people that she's known for years, any number of other things. But it's with his permission. There are a number of things that were a part of her old life that she's not allowed. Some other girl could perhaps ask for them after he's denied his consent, try to find out why he's wanting her to do things a certain way, even try to wheedle or cajole him into letting her have her way. It's not in shayla to do that, to attempt to manipulate things in such a manner. She says manipulate because, no matter how sugar-coated some girl's attempts are, it's still, at it's root, manipulation. An attempt to set conditions on the girl's surrender.

There are some edicts Master's set that shayla does not fully understand the logic behind. But she is able to have the trust in him that he has good reasons for what he is doing, that in the end she will not come to harm by her obedience. He has his reasons, and all the authority he needs, in his own right. None of which did she 'give' him. It's not for shayla to understand them or agree with them. It's for her to obey them in a way that would be pleasing to the man she belongs to.

Returning to one's self

Much of being Gorean and living as such, either Free or slave, is being true to one's nature. To get past and she modern societal conditioning and be what you truly are. Follow one's one natural instincts and tendencies. In the people who shayla has known who consider themselves Gorean she finds a very common grouping of traits. They are all honest, hard-working, respectful of others, concientious of how their actions affect the people and the environment around them, self-disciplined, proud in varying degrees, very aware of what they are and aren't, and follow their own inner promptings in being themselves and following their nature.

shayla had never fully, or even partially, belonged to a man as his slave until she met her Master. But her nature, what enables her to serve him as abjectly and eagerly as she does, is something that's been a part of her for years. Her desire to serve and love of giving of herself and the things she has created. Not out of motivation for what she may possibly recieve in return, but for the simple joy of giving part of what she is and can create to another person, and the satisfaction of having pleased them. Countless times she has had episodes of cadaverobedienz with men who she's held in high regard. Simply sitting or laying at a man's feet has always been inexplicably contenting for her. The career path she has chosen. All facets of slave-like service, all very much part of her nature.

A Gorean man who shayla has spoken with for some months, and who has gained her trust and high regard, phrased it very clearly and pointedly one night about a month after she'd joined her Master. The following is that part of the conversation....

shayla: very interesting, this has been....she keeps feeling as though she's sinking

Rich: sinking?

shayla: sinking, lowering..a kind of...going back feeling, like she's becoming reacquainted with her more basic nature

Rich: ah, yes. This is to be expected.

shayla: she's tempted to say primitive

Rich: "immersion" is a term I've used.

shayla: much better, that one

Rich: Not to needlessly wax christianic.. but in a way you are being reborn.

shayla: so Master's having shayla do more, having her start to do things that he's wanting her to do and be

shayla: oh, that's a good term, Master..*G*

shayla: it's like, when he mentions these things, as if she's fogotten, and is being reminded of them again

Rich: this is not too far from the truth. In fact, our "modern" society dumps a lot of useless crap on women, (and men), and it "hides away" our true natures. Only by "going back", or immersing ourselves in our own nature can we begin to know and understand ourselves.

Rich: So, in a way, you have forgotten yourself.

shayla: though, at the same time, it's scary

Rich: change is often scary

shayla: it's odd, seems like she's been here forever

Rich: ~shrug~ in a way, you have.

shayla: now *that's* a very profound statement, Master

Rich: it may be said that you are as much remembering your nature as rediscovering it.

shayla: which is why she feels as though she's remembering things she has forgotten a long time ago

Rich: ~shrug~ naturally.

shayla: interesting

shayla: very good, though, this rediscovering, Master

Rich: yes, of course.

Rich: You may fight your nature, or learn to live with it. Those are the choices you have if and only if you KNOW your nature. The trick is to learn your own nature. Those who do not, live an unexamined life, and the unexamined life isn't worth living. Such people are generally miserable, and they don't know why.

shayla: that last statement seems to describe most of our society today, Master

Rich: Yes. One has only to look at the incredible amount of unhappiness in modern society, and what people are doing about it to see this principle in action. .....

Rich: a very few people look at the world and say: "I am responsible for my own happiness." Then they try to find out what it is that makes them unhappy -- the ONLY way to do that is to know themselves. And, once they do *that* they are happy. It doesn't matter if they want to fight their nature or live with it. They are happy.

So, as shayla continues to serve her Master, she is also growing as a person in leaps and bounds. A continual spiral, in a way. The more she serves, obeys, and pleases her Master, the more that she grows: in self-esteem and confidence, self-assurance, physical beauty, as her Master has given her a regimen of exercise and diet to follow, and also learning that what she thought were limitations in her abilities were simply evidence that she'd never been pushed to go beyond them. And the more she grows, the better her service, obedience to, and ability to please her Master becomes. As his pleasure with his girl grows, it inspires her to become even more for him.

shayla

Mental Consumation

Master's pointed out to shayla that the largest sexual organ human beings have is the one between their ears, the brain.

(Actually, I've told her it's the only sexual organ that matters, not the largest. ;-) All sexual stimulation, be it a tongue on an erogenous zone, a vagina gripping a finger, a gaze at an erotic pic, a word of passion whispered in an ear, or even a memory of a past lover, are all simply different neural pathways to the brain. Which is why phone sex and erotic email all undeniably sex - if it's a stimulation of a nerve ending that ends up in the sexual parts of our brain, it's sex. - MLD)

His last entry brought to mind a relationship she had with a friend back in high school, in a number of ways. Jeremy was her best friend's boyfriend. Intelligent, a bit cocky, very self-assured. Our relationship was wholly, fully platonic. Not even a single kiss ever passed between us. Though shayla loved him tremendously, and would have done anything for him had he asked. He was very protective of her, very caring and happy to take this introverted girl under his wing. Looking at the relationship now, though the eyes of a mature 34 year old woman, instead of a terribly shy, 17-year old girl that'd never been touched, the friendship was very Gorean Master/slave, on an unconscious level.

Master's mentioned to shayla the term cadaverobedienz. A German term meaning to obey like a dead man. Obeying mindlessly with little thought as to personal desires or consequences. It was the way shayla was with Jeremy. He would command her as a slave, and she responded as such. Whether it was to find a book for him, or a simple 'stay' while he got out of the car at a convenience store for a moment. When we spent time together, shayla was inevitably at his feet in one way or another. While he was very committed to his relationship with her best friend, he still considered her 'his' girl on some levels.

There were still the sexual undertones, which were constant. And for her, at that stage of her non-existent sexual experience, very confusing. This was about the same time that she had found and began reading the Gorean books. Between the newly stirring feelings and burn to serve in her belly, and her sexually-saturated, but still completely platonic relationship with Jeremy, there were a number of times that the two collided into a wildly arousing mixture that she did not recognize for what it was. She could only try to disregard the aching in her body and mind until it passed.

So, when someone mistakes a Gorean Master/slave relationship as being only about sex, they are both very accurate and way off in left field (somewhere behind the wall, she thinks). Master and shayla do not spend all their time in the bedroom. We don't need to. It's continual on a purely mental level. One which colors each interaction. It is, to her mind, one of the more satisfying parts of our relationship. The bonds we have to each other transcend the physical and are on a level so strong and deep it's almost unnoticable, and seem to be growing daily. It's exponentially more intense than anything she's experienced. Though, if we look for it, it's always there.

shayla

Her reaction to that first conversation

Re-reading that conversation, after so much has passed, was rather stunning to shayla. Such a great deal of changes in her since then.

shayla'd gotten pinged by people she did not know before. It's a common occurence. But with Master that night it was different some way. There was a feeling, a sense of 'oh, there you are' when she got that first message. A recognition of some sort on an extremely deep level. She set the feeling aside, and, as she often did, allowed the conversation to develop on its own. Giving this stranger a chance to prove himself and his authenticity. shayla is an intuitive person; paying attention as much to the tone and feel of a conversation and person as the actual words exchanged. There were moments in the discussion, though, that struck her to the core. The times when Master and her would be thinking the same things at the same times. Many of the things he said, which resonated later in her dreams that and subsequent nights.

By the end of the conversation, she knew on some subconscious level what the relationship would eventually develop into. She was afraid of the very idea, afraid of herself and afraid of him, though he'd done nothing even remotely threatening. But mostly of herself, as she knew she'd not be able to keep herself hidden away this time. A person can never run from themselves for very long.

shayla

Primus Noctis

In her previous post, shayla referred to that first night we ever talked. I was sitting at home, idly surfing the net, and ran across the Gorean Personals Group on Yahoo. Curious, not even half interested, really, I browsed some of the members there. I noticed that she was online in Messenger. Just on a whim, I pinged her. It was one of those curious, idle gestures that can shape a life. What, my friends, were the odds?

Here is the transcript of that first chat, which went on for hours. I've editied a bit, only for clarity and to resolve some privacy issues. As I reread it, I don't see what made it all that special, though there are a few passages that stand out as more important. I've bolded them. I can tell you that that night, as we chatted, something clicked. The entire conversation seemed full of portent, as if we both knew something significant was happening. Though tired, after we ended that talk about two AM my time, I slept only lightly, my mind churning furiously as I relived it, hovering in that semi-conscious state that is neither sleep nor wakefullness.

I "woke" early the next morning, to find that she had done the same, and we chatted some more. But that is fodder for another day.

Without further ado...

Marcus : Hello shayla...
shayla : and you would be.....
Marcus : Marcus
shayla : and do i know you somehow?
Marcus : I was just perusiong the Gor personals archives, saw that you were online, and thought I'd say hi.
shayla : oh, excuse me... i'm sorry... ~ blushes~ i'm not used to this quite yet....
Marcus : Relax, it's not like I'm going to crawl thorugh the modem and come get you.
shayla : BOL...
Marcus : Even though it is broadband.
shayla : ~ readies the baseball bat~
Marcus : BOL?
shayla : Bursts Out Laughing
Marcus : Aaahh...
shayla : greetings to You...
Marcus : How has the search gone for you?
shayla : nada... You?
Marcus : To answer your question, it's gone OK, I suppose. Just joined the group a few weeks ago.
shayla : ah... so, where are You, Marcus?
Marcus : I live in Houston.
shayla : been lurking mostly... a Texan..that's both good & bad....
Marcus : Really? In what way?
shayla : good 'cause Texans are so very nice..& bad 'cause it's half-way across the country....
Marcus : Aaah. You're where?
shayla : southeast Washington State
Marcus : SE? Kinda the boonies, no?
shayla : yes.... ~ laughs~ very much so
Marcus : Well, I imagine planes fly there...
Marcus : Had many responses?
shayla : not many.... just one, actually...
Marcus : The few other girls I've talked with have mostly run into a bunch of jerks, so they say.
shayla : well.... this is a good medium to run into jerks, that's for certain....
Marcus : It would probably help if you put a pic up.
shayla : it would..and it would not....
Marcus : Privacy concerns?
Marcus : Or do you not think of yourself as attractive...
Marcus : Or are you really a 62 y.o. gay man?
shayla : privacy concerns...and i do not wish to hand people too much information of myself too soon...
Marcus : Understandable. There's a pic up on my profile... http://profiles.yahoo.com/XXXXX
Marcus : Just in case you're curious. As for myself, I could give a wombat's ass what the world thinks.
shayla : ROFLMAO.... You're a geek??? How well does that PAY????
Marcus : Well enough, I suppose. Why do you ask? About the geek thing, not the pay.
shayla : & You're not bad at all....
Marcus : You seemed surprised I'd be a geek.
shayla : i just thought it was funny that You put 'geek' as occupation is all....
Marcus : Aaaah..
shayla : & there's certainly nothing wrong with being a geek. God knows i've been one all my life
Marcus : It's actually been forever since I've looked at that profile... And I've forgotten what's up there.
shayla : You snooped at mine, i'm certain?
Marcus : Yeah, and I think you misspelled mosquito.
shayla : mosquitoe?
Marcus : Ummhmm.
shayla : hey...i'm a blood-sucker, not a librarian...
Marcus : Just call me Conan the Grammarian.
shayla : uh oh..
Marcus : Well, to be sure, I haven't just done geeky things my entire life.
shayla : it would take real effort to do that..do geeky things all one's life.
Marcus : Yeah, as I said, I was just combing the archives, looking for a loose kajira somewhere, and saw that you were online.
shayla : yep, stray kajira, that's me alright... seriously..what do You do?
Marcus : Various things - I'm pretty much a free-range geek.
Marcus : I do some web work, a lot of training...
shayla : training? what kind?
Marcus : And my phone rings off the hook every time a new virus hits the net.
Marcus : Ohhh, had six-month gig training tech support folks for Gateway.
shayla : so You're a computer geek...
Marcus : They're probably the only folks you'd recognize.
shayla : Bill Gates is one of those, & look at him....
Marcus : I'd rather not, thanks.
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : i can relate to that...
shayla : how old did You say You were?
Marcus : I didn't.
shayla : ????
Marcus : My profile says 41, but that's how old I was when I put it up.
Marcus : I'm 45.
shayla : i can deal with that...
shayla : 32...
Marcus : I just looked at it.
Marcus : I'm pretty well-preserved.
shayla : well-preserved....
shayla : that's an interesting way to put it...
Marcus : I think it's the beer that does it.
Marcus : Would you like a more current pic?
shayla : ok..fire....
shayla : i'm afraid i've not got any pics to send You at this time...
Marcus : No biggie.
Marcus : I have a digital, so it's easy for me.
shayla : slightly devious, but honest....
Marcus : Huh?
shayla : Your face.... like it...
Marcus : The first girl I ever sent it to said it should be captioned, "The Laughing King."
shayla : ~ laughs~
Marcus : I liked that.
shayla : she was right, too....
Marcus : Wait one...
shayla : one onethousand
shayla : two onethousand
shayla : three onethousand
shayla : four onethousand....
Marcus : Smartass. Remind me to beat you...
shayla : why, thank You, Master.... promises promises
Marcus : Can't remember where I put this pic....
Marcus : grumbles, opens up a find dialog box
shayla : alzheimers?
Marcus : No, thousands of images on four networked computers... Each of which has multiple drives.
shayla : DAYUM.....
shayla : i'm sorry..i shouldn't be teasing You like that on such short acquaintance...
Marcus : My office here looks like the place where computers go to die.
shayla : ah... an undertaker... that's what You are....
Marcus : Oh, the teasing's fine...since you're technically still a Free Woman.
shayla : technically.... but not emotionally... there IS a difference....
Marcus : Yes, indeed, so enjoy your freedom, for however long it lasts.
Marcus : Don't confuse my easygoing banter here... with my attitude towards kajirae.
Marcus : Aaah, found it.
shayla : well..i'm not in a rush..have no wish to make a mistake that i'd regret later......
Marcus : Prudent.
shayla : ~ braces herself~
shayla : yes, that i ...
shayla : can You blame me in this day & age?
Marcus : Not at all.
Marcus : Be a whole lot easier just to go grab you off an auction block.
shayla : ok..i'm not certain what just happened, but i lost the download over here...
Marcus : I'll resend.
shayla : that's odd...it's not going... could just be me.. i'm computer stupid
Marcus : Was probably a glitch on my end - the machie's doing about seven things at once.
shayla : oh, have mercy
Marcus : Did you get the bax asking you to accept the pic?
Marcus : Err, box?
shayla : yes, i got the bax alright...
shayla : got the box, too
Marcus : That's two...
shayla : two what?
Marcus : Beatings.
shayla : i haven't given You the authority to do that yet...
Marcus : Doesn't mean I can't queue 'em up.
shayla : omigod....i'm in trouble....
shayla : well, hell with it..i can't find the silly thing
Marcus : The pic? I can email it. What's your addy?
shayla : xxxxx@yahoo.com
shayla : so.... question... why Gor..what draws You to it?
Marcus : Funny, I was about to ask you that myself.
Marcus : Read all the books as a young man...
shayla : why?
Marcus : Why I read all the books?
shayla : yes...
Marcus : I'm a reader...
shayla : understandable... but something in them touched You.. what?
Marcus : Enjoyed the "Further Adventures of Tarl Cabot."
shayla : ??? have not heard of that...
Marcus : Thought Norman, for all his stylistic failings, did a great job of creating an alien culture down to the nth detail.
shayla : yes, that He did... but missed a great deal, as well....
shayla : read them since i was 17....they stirred something inexplicable inside me..it was terrifying....i actually had the whole darn set..1-25...got scared one day & tossed 'em all out.....stupid girl ...still missing six of 'em... but have 'em on the computer, so...wg...
Marcus : The "Further Adventures" is my made up name for the half of the books where he runs around in picaresque fashion.
shayla : ah..i see....
Marcus : makes a note to track down the idiot that put the caps lock key so close to the A and beat him
shayla : that was me, i did it... did i just make 3, by chance?
Marcus : I think all of mine are still around somewhere.
shayla : i've got 'em on hand....
Marcus : I don't envy you, shayla.
shayla : why?
Marcus : I don't think I could do what you are doing.
shayla : do what? what'm i doing?
Marcus : Trying to wade through half the planet looking for your Master.
Marcus : It's much easier for us, I think.
shayla : yes, that it is...
shayla : You noted the way i answered Your first message.... ~ smiles~
Marcus : A bit sharp, I thought.
shayla : & i do not even know if He exists....
Marcus : He may not.
shayla : He may not.... but then again..He may....i'll look for Him when i see Him coming
Marcus : I think that even in Norman's febrile fantasies, it was a lucky kajira that found her True Master.
shayla : yep... the books are fiction....have to have a happy ending in fictions
Marcus : I was thinking about that very topic earlier today...
shayla : & here we are in the real world with all the freaks & geeks
Marcus : That email ought to be there by now.
shayla : my browser's being slow tonight
Marcus : I was thinking how bad it must suck to be a lost kajira, and how scary it would be.
shayla : am i lost?
Marcus : Has you Master found you?
Marcus : The question answers itself.
shayla : i've only the past few months learned what i am...
Marcus : What drove it home to you?
shayla : snooping on the internet...reading, learning...snooping....
Marcus : Chatrooms?
shayla : i have zero actual experience in things...
shayla : and yes, chatrooms....
Marcus : Those suck.
shayla : yes, that they do...
shayla : they are not real...
Marcus : Stay far away would be my advice.
shayla : i want real..and do not even know if i'd be able to handle it...
Marcus : And there's the rub.
shayla : indeed....
Marcus : The biggest impediment to a true Master/kajira relationship...
Marcus : in my totally unhumble opinion.
shayla : like that term..very suitable for You.
Marcus : I sometimes wrong, but rarely uncertain. :-)..
shayla : i've got another term for that last phrase...
Marcus : What last phrase.
shayla : 'rarely uncertain'
Marcus : And that would be?
Marcus : On Gor, you would handle it, because you would *have* to...
shayla : yes, that i would... i can handle a great deal, though... i've learned....
Marcus : Whereas here, there will always be in the back of your mind that you can get out.
shayla : precisely.... that is part of what is so appealing...
Marcus : Get that pic yet?
shayla : no, actually, i didn't...
Marcus : Huh.
shayla : & the term i prefer is 'cocky'
shayla : does that make for #3, by chance?
Marcus : Naah, but I think there is a difference between cocky and confident.
shayla : yes, that there is... & i'm not precisely the one to make that distinction
Marcus : I've always been pretty damn good at whatever I've set out to do.
shayla : good...
shayla : there are a great number of people that do not
Marcus : So, it's more like an accurate assessment of my track record.
shayla : yes, that it would be....
Marcus : : Back to your question...
shayla : question? did i ask a question?
Marcus : about what draws me to a Gorean relationship.
shayla : yes... why?
Marcus : I think that women, as a species, are just about the most wonderful thing in all of creation. Been in love with them all my life.
shayla : ~ laughs~ oh...that's a first for me... i've always considered the male to be another species...never encountered a Man that felt the same way....
Marcus : Was never one of those little boys that hated girls...
shayla : & owning one...yes, i can understand....
Marcus : We're symbiotes... Isn't that obvious?
shayla : symbiotes...i've had a long day, refresh my memory on the description of that word?
Marcus : And I think a Gorean kajira, free and joyful in her submission... free to be herself for the first time in her life...to express her sexuality...in love with her Master, her Hero...
shayla : a sarcastic romantic... i love it...
Marcus : would have to be the most beautiful thing a man could ever hope to see. And to *own* one? Takes my breath away to think about it. Ferraris. racehorse, Rembrandts, who fucking goves a damn compared to that?
shayla : ~ smiles~
Marcus : See, I can't even type thinking about it.
shayla : You're a good one.... You're head's in the right place, it would seem...
Marcus : I think so. Cocky bastard that I am :-).
shayla : yes, that too... & for me... the thought of being wanted to the point of being owned..the notion that i can just...just hand a Man such control...oh, it just makes my heart ache to think it...there's a lot of my natural reactions that are just...Bam..right there in the books...
Marcus : And to take a girl, crush all the doubts she has, burn away the Earth girl, refine her to become a kajira, would be to create a living work of art.
shayla : shaddup, You're makin' my head swim here...
shayla : ok... this is interesting... whoa...
(a note here: it was at this point in the conversation that shayla somehow knew that Master Marcus would be significant in a life-changing way. Instinct? Woman's intuition? She'll never know. Between the conversation, his photo he'd sent, and what he'd said, she could not get him out of her head. For a week, she was unable to sleep peacefully. Dreams of the conversation, the ones in the next days, and his face kept intruding...shayla)

Marcus : And if I'm this good over a modem...
shayla : i could say something... but....i'm at what..2? 3?
Marcus : Can you imagine what it's like to have me whisper in you ear?
shayla : shaddup
(in retrospect, shayla is unhappy with her having told him that. It is something that, at this stage, would be absolutely unthinkable for her to say to her Owner. And would earn his displeasure and discipline....shayla)
shayla : ok... no pic... but..BUT.... 5'4".....
shayla : light brown straight hair almost to my waist ~ crosses fingers~
shayla : gray eyes that go green when someone's in trouble....
Marcus : Just cut to the chase, woman.
shayla : i am.... one line at a time....
Marcus : What is it you're afraid to tell me?
shayla : not a model, but not that bad...
shayla : what is it You're looking for?
Marcus : A kajira, silly. A real life, meatspace, 24/7 kajira
shayla : ah..yeah...basically, yes...last time i checked, anyhow....
shayla : meatspace? what do You mean by that?
Marcus : Not an online game, not a roleplaying, "Oh it's Saturday night, get out the silk and chains" relationship.
shayla : i know...dead-serious real...
shayla : right down to Your collar on the neck....
Marcus : Meatspace is the antonym of cyberspace.
shayla : gotcha... i'm new, but i do learn fast...
Marcus : Oh, I forgot, a symbiote is an organism that has to be paired with another of a different species to survive.
shayla : gotcha... yes, makes perfect sense..
shayla : i like the way You think...
Marcus : As an example, some algae live inside sea anenomes...
shayla : understood.... interdependance of two separate species... excellent way of putting it...
Marcus : The bacteria in your intestines.
shayla : hey, someone else that's not disgusted by the thought...
shayla : ~ laughs~indeed...
Marcus : I'm still waiting for that other shoe to drop.
shayla : what shoe? did i drop a shoe?
shayla : & what was it that i'd dropped?
Marcus : Whatever it is that seems to worry you to the point that you don't wanna tell me.
Marcus : Got two heads? One eye?
shayla : no... healthy & 'normal'....
Marcus : So, what is it?
shayla : all the right fingers & toes in all the right places...
shayla : what is what?
Marcus : (sighs)
shayla : omigod... humor me
Marcus : I've gotten the impression that there is something about the way you look that you are afraid I will not find pleasing. Am I correct?
shayla : just the extra 50 pounds is all....
Marcus : lol...
shayla : & You'd interrupted when i started to describe myself...
shayla : oh, & glasses..get contacts end of the month, but that's no biggie...
Marcus : So, I toss you in a cage and feed you salad for a few months. Big whoop.
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : & what about exercising??? & hygeine?
Marcus : The cage would have a door.
shayla : thank my lucky stars for that...
Marcus : With a lock.
shayla : great..i'll pocket the key
Marcus : What the hell you think you'd be wearing that had *pockets*????
shayla : i'm far from svelte...
Marcus : Now, would you like to know how I knew?
shayla : 'cause i skirted around the issue & let You distract me...
shayla : omigod..i'm having a battle of wits with someone with ammunition...
Marcus : Would you believe me if I told you I was certain it was your weight?
shayla : no, 'cause You'd be right..
shayla : wow...
shayla : oh...~ whistles~ i'd think of something..
Marcus : It was when you went straight from 5'4"...
shayla : no shit, sherlock
(another incidence of something that would be unthinkable to shayla at this stage...shayla)
Marcus : to your hair, or whatever it was...
shayla : to my best feature....well, one of 'em...
Marcus : Oh, you get big-time brownie points for the hair...
shayla : yep...
shayla : & eyes actually do that, by the way...
shayla : is kinda fun at times...
shayla : what was that e-mail addy You sent that pic to?
Marcus : So, I was going to ask you...
shayla : You were were You?
shayla : must be that alzheimer's again
Marcus : Actually, I think I just did - a bright kajira would have picked up on that...
Marcus : Anticipating the Master's wishes and all...
shayla : ah, but that comes with familiarity - this is our first conversation
Marcus : I set the bar pretty high.
shayla : how so?
Marcus : Don't read that last in the past tense. I meant that as in "I typically set the bar pretty high."
shayla : i know what You meant...
Marcus : Hmm...
Marcus : That's weird...
shayla : what's weird?
Marcus : You're showing as logged out.
shayla : yep
Marcus : What'd you do? Go into super-inviso mode?
shayla : essentially, yes
Marcus : Didn't know you had secret superpowers. I'm scared.
shayla : oh, there's a great deal You don't know about me...
shayla : i only hand a person what i feel they will handle genlty
shayla : gently even...
Marcus : 'S Ok - I can read minds, so I'll be warned if you try anything slippery.
shayla : indeed...
shayla : & i'm rarely one to back down from a challenge...
shayla : so...what'm i wearing right now, SuperMaster?
Marcus : : A smile.
shayla : oh, You're good....
Marcus : See, I can tell the future, too.
shayla : really....and that would be.....
Marcus : That you would smile a few seconds after I hit the enter key.
shayla : yep..cocky...i like that in a person...
Marcus : Cock like a rock.
shayla : i'll remember that when i pocket that key..make sure You can find it if i want You to.....
shayla : that was a little tmi there
Marcus : I didn't mean at this moment.
shayla : of course You weren't
Marcus : And I was referring to my attitude, anyway.
shayla : i know what You were referring to...
shayla : so..what's this...Marcus....stand for?
Marcus : Marcus Livius Drusus, the Younger.
Marcus : A Roman Senator...
shayla : Your o/l name...
Marcus : Died about 60 BCE
Marcus : Waaaaaay back when in the olden days of computers...
shayla : news flash..they didn't have computers back then....
Marcus : before the internet, even.
Marcus : About 1987...
shayla : so this was more recently then....
shayla : ok...
Marcus : I needed to pick a username that would be unique on any network.
shayla : well, this certainly fits the bill alright...
Marcus : You are quick, aren't you?
shayla : i try to be.. am i succeeding?
shayla : transpositions aside, that is?
Marcus : Somewhat.
shayla : somewhat...high praise indeed, i suspect...
Marcus : Anyway, I remembered this character, whose name was enough like my own...
Marcus : Which is Mark.
shayla : ok....
Marcus : But I'd been answering to Marcus ever since high school...
shayla : i see...
Marcus : Where I'd taken three years of Latin.
shayla : oh, no...
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : eww...
shayla : i've only got the two years of french...
shayla : & half of that i don't remember..
Marcus : Anyway, Marcus, or MLD has been my "nom de net" ever since.
shayla : well..this is NOT getting me to bed...
shayla : & i've got victims to stab tomorrow....
Marcus : I've longtime friends on the net from various mailing lists and such who would never think to call me anything but that.
shayla : well..was good talking with You, Marcus....
Marcus : Likewise - I imagine we'll do it again.
shayla : g'night to You...
shayla : oh, we will...& You'll get a less suspicious response as well....
Marcus : In the meantime, I'll toss you off an email or two, with some serious thoughts about Gor and such.
shayla : sure...
Marcus : Oh, your suspicious response stalled me about how long?
Marcus : I'm pretty good at battering down barriers...
Marcus : And that alone oughta scare the hell out of you.
Marcus :: With that thought - G'night.

A Little About shayla

Who is this girl? She is 34, from the northwest part of the United States. A Yankee, to Texas thinking. In her Master's terms, she is a plain woman. While still very pretty, she is no great beauty. Her looks and actions are deceptive, inaccurately reflecting the beautiful woman and what is simmering under the surface. In a crowded or sparely populated room she'd not stand out in any way. She has a career in the medical field, and does well in her job. An ordinary woman, with an ordinary, not-at-all glamourous life.
Her legal name, the one used in her job and so forth, is unimportant. Her Master, after some time and consideration, named her shayla. Which, she believes, was a good choice on his part. A new, southern name,for a new, southern existence as his property.

You've noted by now shayla's use of 3rd person speech. Master allowed her choice of 1st or 3rd person in this blog, and she chose this method as it is how she speaks to him. There are those that would believethat 3rd person speech is to make the slave feel less than what she is, or degraded, she's even been told it's to make the girl seem ignorant or feel stupid.

Such simply isn't the case. Master has shayla speak in such a manner for a number of reasons. It's a continual reminder to both him and her of her statusin relation to him. It reminds her, and causes her, to be more respectful. And, as it takes thought to speak properly in 3rd person speech, it causes the girl to think about what she is saying more carefully, to take
more time with her words. Which prevents a number of
slips of the tongue which could be displeasing or insolent.

When she was 18 she came across the Gor series with her first book, 'Magicians of Gor'. She'd never heard of the lifestyle, the series, simply came across the book and it caught her eye. She was stunned at what she found inside, could not put it down. Read and re-read it any number of times. It woke things in her
that she'd felt before. Things, feelings, instincts that she'd barely realized were there. She didn't understand what the feelings were, only that she couldn't deny them, nor could she silence them once awakened. She had nobody to talk to about this, could not imagine that a normal, healthy-minded person could have such feelings and desire to be owned. So she
kept silent about them, even as she slowly found and gathered the books, until she had the whole set. Kept them as secret, treasured possessions not to be shared with anyone, even as she did not share the feelings they stirred in her. Until what continued to grow in her frightened her to the point one day she threw out the whole series. She can still remember trembling as she walked away from the dumpster; somehow hoping that these strange, alien feelings in her, this desire to
serve and be owned, would go the way of the books.

They never did.

When she was on the internet one night about two years
ago, she, out of whimsy, did a search on Gor, John Norman. And was astounded at what she found. Personal web-sites, role-play chat rooms, discussion boards, pictures and drawings. She was surprised that so many other people read and appreciated the books. And was even more stunned to find that a number of people lived the lifestyle she does now. She spent as much time as she could reading sites, learning about this "Gorean lifestyle" It was fortunate that, even
as ignorant of it as she was, she was familiar with the books. There are as many sites that twist the values and ethics put forth in the books as there are to accurately reflect and live them realistically.

All the old feelings that she'd managed to suppress, and somehow almost forgotten, came back to her in an undeniable rush.

So she read sites, joined discussion boards, lurked, learned, made Gorean friends all over the world, both Free and slave, and re-read the series, though she has yet to fully replace the collection she disposed of.

Until one night while she was at her computer someone
im'd her on her messenger, sheer whim. He just happened to be a member of a board she was on, and noted her name among others who were on-line that night. A random selection on his part, which led to her eventual enslavement to him. Where she's never been happier.

shayla

shayla's Introduction

Greetings..

If you've read Master's previous posting, you will know why this site is here. A testament, an ongoing timeline of development and growth. Not only for the relationship between her Owner and shayla, but hers as well. So those she's known will be able to follow the path of her training and personal development.

Master has directed you to google for 'Gor'' and 'Gorean Lifestyle', if you are at all curious as to what it means to be 'Gorean'. shayla would add to his advice. To begin, there are a great deal of misconceptions to be found on-line. There are any number of terms to be found on-line that have no place or basis in the life-style. This lifestyle is based on the values and beliefs set forth in John Norman's 26-book Gor series. But it is very much reality, practical-based. There is no different language, names for positions (unless it be the Master's desire), no fantasy animals and places. Simply being true to one's self and nature, and having the courage to do so in spite of society's conditioning.

This type of relationship is not about pain, not about degradation. Master and shayla are not living an off-shoot of BDSM, nor do we consider ourselves to be part of the BDSM community. This is not some type of bedroom game that stops at the front door. It is 24/7. No matter where shayla is, or what she is doing, she is continually under her Master's direction and edicts. Whether that be what she eats, drives, or in the work-place.

Being Gorean has a great deal to do with honor, self-discipline, integrity, and respect. There are those who would say that a kajira has no place in discussing honor. It is shayla's thought that such is not the case, not in the real world. To be a kajira in this society takes a large amount of the qualities she mentioned earlier. There is little stopping her from cheating on the directives placed upon her when her Master is not around. Little keeping her from playing power-games, attempting to manipulate the situation to her advantage, or even leaving entirely because she had not gotten her way in something. Her sense of honor, respect, and the strong sense of devotion she feels towards the Man she has come to belong to, as well as her equally great desire to only please him, all are part of her honoring her Master and herself, as well as the lifestyle we have chosen. A kajira has much honor, she believes.

There is one more bit of advice she would give; directed towards the girls who, as shayla once did, dream of belonging to a man and letting the persistent, continual need to serve and be what she is develop to its unlimited potential. As well, the Men who read this should keep in mind.

The Gorean Master/slave relationship is not something to enter into on a whim. As a Master, you are taking full responsibility for another human being. Their current physical and emotional needs, their lifestyle, income (if allowed), children from previous relationships, as well as future needs right up to retirement and death. These are, as Master of your girl, your responsibility and duty to the one you've chosen to own fully.

shayla spent over a year speaking to her Master, via e-mails, chat, phone, letters, and so forth. She performed two separate background checks on him, spoke with people who have known him for years. In that time she continually was aware of his consistency, reliability, honesty, his own sense of honor. All these precautionary steps before actually coming to reside with him. There was a great deal of soul-searching on her, as well as his, part, before actually entering into this. Much care was taken, on both our parts, before we commenced our relationship.

On an equally serious note, when shayla did come to live with her Master, she found herself freer than she had ever been. Free to be herself, what she naturally is. Over the time she has been here she has slowly begun to re-discover things she used to know, old instincts long-since buried and repressed. She has never been, in her 34 years, been as happy, un-stressed, and relaxed as she has been the past two months. It is her sincere hope that her presence here has caused him the same contentment in his life.

shayla

Her Master's Introduction

Welcome to my girl shayla's website. I set it up for her so she could chronicle the story of our meeting, getting to know one another, her eventual relocation to my home, and our continuing life together. While I think of this site as hers, i will also be posting on it, adding my observations, giving my version of our story.

I want the two of us to do this so that any others out there who might be dreaming that they might live the Gorean lifestyle will know that it can happen. i know i was told many a time that it was not possible for a Man and a woman to live in such a way here on Earth, that is was impossible to implement here in the real world.

Our life is testament to the fact it is possible.

A few bookkeeping notes. My words wil always be in red, and in this font, hers will be in blue. If you're sitting here scratching your head and wondering what on earth "Gor" and the "Gorean lifestyle" are, I'll have an essay up on that fairly soon; in the meantime, a google search on the terms will give you more than you could read in a year.

That's all for now.

Marcus