Focus

Master's said more than once that a kjaira's three main duties are obedience, passion, transparency. Obeying him, taking care of his property, personal growth, taking pride in what she is and her Master's home. It's something that she needs to remain focused on. When Master and shayla first began talking about her being his, he was aware of her difficulty with trust. She'd told him more than once that she'd forgotten how to trust, that she didn't know how. The past few months have been a real exercise in her trust and faith in her Master. A learning experience, a growth in many ways.

The details, the reasons why shayla lost her focus, are unimportant. Only that in the loss of her focus she managed to lose a good deal more. Her confidence, self-esteem, assurance, belief in herself and her whole environment, all went down the toilet. She regressed beyond the point of when she came to her Master, back to the way she was when she first left her father's home. Nervous around people, withdrawn, defensive, doubting herself, believing that she was always in error or in the way. Feeling that every kind gesture, every kind word, was simply to humor her, keep her passive and quiet. Some days were better than others, some were so bad she couldn't look her Master or miranda in the eye.

Part of what had happened was that for the first time in her relationship with him, Master's actions seemed to contradict his words. For most of her life shayla's been very attentive to what a person said, weighing it against what that person did, using the actions more than the words as a gauge for what was truly taking place. And she started doubting herself, her whole situation. Doubting her worth to her Master, her value to him. It was a spiral that she couldn't find a way to slow or stop for a long time.

Through it all, Master and miranda were backing her. Continuing to encourage her to think positively, of herself and how she was doing. Both giving her firm talking-to's when the need arose. Mostly just being themselves, though in retrospect Master was firmer than he normally is with her. And who could blame him? Shayla's attitude had been awful. There's no other way to put it. Kajirae don't second-guess their Master, question his motivations. When you've come to the point of being collared by a man and becoming his property, any doubts like that should have long since been taken care of.

What made the whole situation worse was that shayla knew that her attitude sucked. Knew that her doubts were nothing more than her scaring herself. Her remorse and guilt, added to the rest of the doubt that she felt, seemed to make things more difficult to pull from this down-turn. It seemed as though the harder she tried, the lower she got. At one of the lowest points of this time, she went so far as to ask Master to release her, told him (a kajira telling her Master what to do, how much farther off track could a girl be?) to get rid of her, believing herself to be nothing but trouble, with no worth for the house or to them.

Looking back over it, the majority of her problem lay in the fact that she was applying her own agenda to what Master'd planned for her. Trying to top from the bottom, though she didn't understand the full scope of it at the time. Had she just focused on what he wanted, instead of what she was doubting, trying to piece together what she was questioning, she'd not have gotten herself into half the difficulty that she did. As it was, she was tearing herself apart with her uncertainty in herself. Making herself unhappy.

At this stage, she's far, far better now. More confident in her value to Master and his home. She's getting more confident in herself. And it's far easier to focus on her Master's wishes, what it is that he's wanting. With all this her joy in service is coming back. Every day it's easier to just obey him, to perform her duties the way he wants his girls to; with a smile on her face and a song in her heart.

Master would have been completely in his right to simply release her, help her get her life in order to take care of herself. It's a measure of his commitment to his ownership of her that he didn't. There's little other way to phrase it, in many ways shayla's been a bitch these past few months. And the whole time Master and miranda both have been right there for her, each of them reminding her of why she's here, what she is, her value to them both. And shayla is so in love with both of them.

shayla

Bath

As mentioned once or twice, miranda's a dancer. And one of the negative things about her work is the smoke that her clothes are exposed to every time she's out on the floor. It sinks right into the fabrics. Most of her outfits are too delicate for machine washing, so she hand washes them. In the tub, soaking in the water and soap right along with her clothes as they're washed.

Last night was typical for her, sorting through what needed to be washed & what didn't. Shayla helped her with the wash, climbing in with her to soak her feet. Master joined us after a few moments. Miranda'd lit some candles, had the lights turned off. So there's three of us in that garden tub in the near-dark, legs going every which way to accomodate the others, among the thongs, dresses, tops & bottoms. We had a great deal of fun with that.

We'll have these baths occasionally, though without the clothing. Candles lit, just soaking in the hot water together, drinks nearby. And get a lot of talking and sharing done. Exchange stories, clear the air over some things, laugh together. Master'll clarify some things, or get our opinion and stance on others. Sometimes we just sit, basking in the heat, enjoying each other's company. The tie that has formed between the three of us doesn't require words to fill the silence.

Last night was no exception, Master steering the conversation to our medallions, and how he plans on adding gems to them as we reach certain milestones. We talked about our plans, our continual search for a second man for the household. And once more, Master asked us why we loved him. For shayla, the answer's always the same. Because of the woman she is when she's with him. Because he's this unique combination of firmness, indulgence towards us, exacting discipline and loving generosity. He's able to laugh at himself just as easily as to speak firmly to someone to make his point. And he manages us so well. Even when shayla doesn't understand his reasoning, or his timing, he manages us in a way that causes us to grow in his service.

After we'd rinsed the clothing and gotten it out of the water, he toyed with us, stroking our pussies inside and out with his strong fingers. Just thinking about it makes shayla heated all over again. As much as she loves sex, loves having him inside her, she's equally content to have his hands on and in her. They're not large, for a man's hands. Merely strong, sure, leaving her skin feeling almost seared where he's touched (ok, so it's a standard analogy, a man's touch leaving the woman's skin aflame, but it's also true). And it's as if she can feel his strength emanate from them. For shayla little equals being under her Master's hands, even if it's just a hand gripping her hair or the collar.

Before we knew it, over two hours had passed while we'd drained the tub, refilled it with hot water, rinsed & wrung out the clothes, talked and laughed. Miranda & shayla got out first, drying off as the water drained before Master stepped out. We dried him off, allowing ourselves to get distracted with a couple of our more favorite parts of him for a moment or two, then straightened the bathroom as he settled into bed. Though he sleeps far better alone, Master lets us both sleep with him every night. Shayla is no longer required to sleep at his feet, instead sleeping either next to him or miranda, depending on his mood and shayla's need (in that order). As nice as it is to sleep next to him, there's a good advantage to sleeping next to miranda. We've got a king size bed, but because of the snuggling factor, Master usually winds up with a bare foot of space to sleep in, leaving a vast expanse of space on the other side of miranda where shayla can sprawl at will. Which she takes full advantage of. This time she was next to Master, her head down by his hip. A little shifting here & there as we settled around each other before we fell asleep.

Nothing spectacular, or would warrant any notice. Just enjoying each other's company, the intimacy that we share between us. Just lovely.

shayla