Feminity

Shayla's upbringing was very unusual. There was no female influence, no example for shayla to follow. She grew up with only male examples and male role models. As a result, she developed almost asexually, too female to be a tom-boy, too male to be a girly girl. Despite such development, the desire to be feminine; to be beautiful, graceful, sexy, was there. Only she didn't have a clue how to go about it, how to acquire the information. No examples that she could have emulated.

So when she came to her Master, shayla had the heart, the drive, the desire to be a good kajira. With no idea about anything feminine, not even how to walk as a woman. Master's mentioned more than once that shayla walked 'like a truck driver' when she first arrived. She's had to learn little by little. Makeup, clothing, how to walk, speak, move more gracefully. Dancing has been a project in and of itself. One she's still working on.

This past year has been full of any number of developments. There was the experience with shayla's makeup. She'd been applying it as best she knew how, knowing it was incorrect but having no idea about what would be the appropriate colors or technique (not that she knew any techniques). Master had shayla go out and replace everything she had one day. The day after she did the best that she knew with it. Master'd been gone over-night, and she was expecting him at 10 that morning. She was in the kitchen when Master came home, and she was so scared about his possible reaction her hands were trembling. Shayla knew what type of woman Master was used to, knew that she didn't come close to it. When Master questioned her she was almost in tears while she tried to explain. He brought shayla into the living room and she knelt at his feet while he asked what she was so scared about.

Her walking was something else that she needed help with. Master sent her to get the highest pair of heels she could find, and ordered her to wear them whenever she was in the house. Yes, it sounds crazy, but it worked. Shayla wore those shoes on a daily basis for over a month. It worked, too. Though shayla still will lapse back into a little of the swagger that she used to have, those times are very rare anymore.

The process of all this has been almost as fun as the results. And the more feminine she becomes, the more shayla finds of what she'd had hidden all this time.

shayla

Journal

Since before shayla came to live with her owner, he's had her writing on a daily basis. At first it was e-mails to him. Nothing of any significance, just a note telling him what she'd eaten that day, along with whatever thoughts happened to come to her. Master wanted her daily intake included so he could monitor what she ate, and give advice and suggestions as need be. Thankfully, he didn't need to make many corrections in that area.

When shayla moved down, the requirements changed. He wanted longer, more thorough entries. He's had her include her daily weight as well as what she's been eating. At first shayla didn't understand why he was having her include the weight, but as time went on she was able to figure it out. The daily weighing gives her insight on her day-to-day fluctuations, how her body reacts to different foods and the various times in which she eats. It's been an unexpected help.

As time has gone by she's gotten better at putting her toughts into words, coming up with what she can write about, expressing herself. Shayla doesn't think in words, just thoughts. And her thought patterns are different than a great deal of people. This has been showing in her writing. Master's teased shayla more than once about writing like Yoda talks, "Backwards, you type, girl" Other people that may have read this blog have likely noticed the same thing. But she's improved with her writing style becoming more free-flowing. Though at times she still slips up.

This blog has been another learning experience. Often shayla's sat here at this computer, staring at a blank screen and having no clue whatsoever what to write about. There've been times that she's browsed through other blogs, and kaylee's kindlings has been a great help in coming up with ideas about what to write about.

All of this has had one awfully important benefit. The more she writes, the more Master knows how she thinks, how she reacts, what goes on in her mind about what is happening in her life and in his management of her. It's been a help to her owner in taking care of his property.

shayla

Passion

Shayla's never spoken much about the sexual aspect of her relationship with her Master. Not because it's not there, but simply because it has never occured to her to write about it. But there's been a change in things that really brings it to her attention.

From what she understands, shayla has always been more sensitive than most women. Multi-climactic, easily aroused. But her service to Master has added to it, made it much more than what it used to be. Her skin is extremely sensitive, she's more orgasmic than what she ever used to be, and it takes her longer to settle down than it used to. As time goes on, she becomes more so.

The past couple months she's been more easily aroused than ever. There are many times that she's in actual pain from it. Master has his own plan for her, and occasionally he'll deny her his touch. It's frustrating, confusing at times. It took a couple weeks for shayla to understand that the denial wasn't because of what she was or wasn't doing, but because Master has been training her to become more bi-sexual. He's been encouraging miranda and shayla to be together, and his use and intimate touch of shayla has been kept to a minimum. Being with miranda has always been easy. Of the four women that shayla's been with in her life, miranda's the one with which shayla has been the most comfortable, where it's been the most enjoyable.

What's difficult is shayla's tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve. This tendency has been increased since she's been with her Master. So now she's got the challenge of handling this ever-growing need of hers while keeping her discomfort, anxiety, and frustration in check, and letting it show as little as possible. Miranda says that she's got the same problem, but most of the time shayla can't tell. Miranda has always been able to let her discomfort, her emotional upset, go unseen. For shayla, it's not that easy. Shayla will have times when she suddenly heats up. It doesn't matter when, or where she is, it just happens unpredictably, and lasts for anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours.

It's been scaring her like nothing else in her slavery has. Such unpredictability and sensitivity that a pat on the back from a stranger will trigger a climax. For the past week she's been in a panic, trying to figure out how to handle it. The times that shayla flares up with need have been difficult not because she's needy, but because she's not known how to best deal with it, how to control it. Master had a talk with shayla about it the other night. He reminded her of a number of things. How she's slave to not only him, but all men. How a kajira is supposed to be needy and easily aroused. And how he's wanting shayla to be this needy, this sensetized to touch. He said that shayla should enjoy the times that she's heated to the point of pain.

Such a thing had never occured to her. Today was the first day that she'd had a chance to put his advice to use. Right in the middle of the afternoon, while she was doing chores, she flared up unexpectedly. At first she started to react as she had, but remembered what her owner had told her and made herself relax, just let it flow. And it worked, she was able to keep her mind on what she was doing, while still burning to be touched. Once or twice she even climaxed, but was still able to keep on with what she was needing to do. She was heated for hours, but was still able to function. The tasks that shayla was performing took on more of an erotic tone than usual.

This isn't the first time that a simple talk of Master's will put everything into perspective, in a way that shayla will both understand and be able to put into practice, accomplishing what it is that Master is wishing her to do. She's not mastered this quite yet, but she's on the right track now. Master said that what shayla's doing is much like learning to walk. There are lots of stumbles and falls and leaning on support before she's able to handle it on her own.

shayla