A Kajira's Tail

Life As A Gorean Slave Girl

Name:
Location: Houston, Texas, United States

Monday, March 20, 2006

Devoted?


A friend of Master's asked shayla why she was so devoted to Him...


shayla: Why am i so devoted to him? Do you know what i came from?

Mitch: Not really

shayla: A poor childhood. Not $$$'s poor, but nurturing poor. I spent most of my life isolate, not even *wanting* to be visible to people. And it seemed like nobody believed in me, i'd never really had a chance to explore what i could be. I was too busy simply surviving to have the luxury to explore myself. And then he started with me, believed in me, gave me a chance to learn what i could be.

shayla: Nobody'd ever allowed me that chance. They went through the motions, but it seemed as though when i reached a hump they just gave up on me. I still have a terror of people giving up on me.

Mitch: And he walked the walk. It's showing, his insight, vision and faith in you.

shayla: Yes, walked the walk. He's, backed me, supported me, instead of just talking. I've never known anyone whose word i could count on, who i could believe. He saw past that fat, introverted, shy, 'plain and mousy-looking' woman that came down here with nothing & He, He's *believed* in me, in a way that nobody, not even myself, has believed in me before. Pushed & nudged & shoved me along when i didn't think i was able to do what he was asking me. Nobody's ever done that before, i'd never imagined anyone would even consider it.

shayla: He's in better shape and more attractive than men half his age, and could have any woman he wanted, with nothing more than a glance. And bypassed all that for me, because he liked what he saw in my heart better than what he saw on other women's faces & bodies.

Mitch: He's not a bad looking man, it is true.

shayla: He's backed me all along, given me a lot of tough love when i've needed it the most. Just short while ago, we were talking, & i told Him that i've often thought that i'd failed Him, and He said that i'd never failed Him, not ever.

shayla: There've been times that i've tripped up, lost focus, but i've always been able to kept in mind what i'm doing for Him, and it's always helped me get back on track.

shayla: i really believe that if it came right down to it, i *would* walk through fire for Him, jump off a building for him, whatever. The simplest thing from Him, a wink, smile, a 'good girl', anything like that, makes me feel that i could do anything for Him. How could anyone not be this devoted to someone when they've allowed that person to grow so much as Master's allowed me?

Mitch: Thank you, shayla. very brave of you to share this. And also very humbling to read.

Where to go with this? Shayla looks back at this conversation and what she said to Mitch that night hits her hard. She thinks about what she was before she came to him and what she is now and is astounded. It's not likely that shayla would have caused the changes that have taken place on her own. He's given her a chance, the room, to develop into herself. That may sound odd, but no other person in her life has believed in her the way Master has, not even herself. And He's never faltered in his backing and guidance of her.

There've been so many times that shayla's doubted herself, even while she's strived to obey him as best she could. Even now, she's in the middle of wrestling with self-doubt in some things. And Master's backing her. The same practical, simple, blunt backing that he's always given her, Mastering her. She's still learning. From Him, from herself.

There's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be than here with her Master.

shayla