Sick

A great deal of a kajira's duty is the care of her Master's property. His home, any other pets he may have, as well as the girl's own self. A part of shayla's duty to her Master is ensuring that she is prepared for her Master at all times. Clothing, appearance, makeup, being certain that she is well-rested so that she may perform her duties to his satisfaction. And, shayla has learned, when a girl is ill, she must see to it that she cares for her Master's property so that she may regain her health.

It is this last that shayla, this past week, has been learning to do. Before, shayla has disregarded the occasional illness, preferring to maintain her pace as best she can. However, now that she is property, she needs to take a different viewpoint on her illness. She's not taking care of herself anymore as she is taking care of her Master's property, seeing to it that she cares for it in a way that will enable her to recover as thoroughly as possible.

It's a learning experience. She has to remind herself to eat correctly, rest, not push herself as hard in her exercises. And shayla must restrain the impatience with herself that comes with being sick, as it will show in ways that aren't pleasing to him. She's taking care of one of his pets, and tries to keep in mind that everything that is done must be towards helping that cherished pet to heal. It's an exercise in self-control, being patient with her body as it heals, remembering that she must care for herself in a way that he'd want her cared for.

She has to be patient with herself, to care for herself as best she can for him. To treat his property with the same regard she does everything else that belongs to him, and focus on seeing that she heals thoroughly so she can serve him better.

shayla

Chained

It seems as though all modern slaves are chained from time to time, for whatever reason. When the notion first was introduced to shayla, she felt very aprehensive, and only a little curious. Her terror of being restrained has always been equal to that of cameras. Yet another thing for her Master to train her in.

Valentine's day was the first time that shayla had ever been chained in any way. Her Master had long before planned on special ordering ankle- and wrist-cuffs for her to be chained with. Their introduction that night was still unexpected. Master had tucked the arrangement, including shayla's collar, out of sight, so shayla did not note them when she got home from work that evening. Master had had to run an errand at the last minute, so the house was empty when she'd gotten home. It was very disconcerting for her to go to where she'd left her collar and it not be there, badly enough that she'd called her Owner to let him know she couldn't find it. He said not to worry, just prepare for his return as he'd instructed her.

When he'd arrived home he ordered her to her knees, head and hands to the floor, eyes closed. Her first clue as to what was going to happen was the rattle of the chains as he pulled them from their hiding place. It was extremely comforting to feel him lock her collar on her throat, even though it was accompanied by the rattle of the chains as he locked the cuffs onto her wrists. A word from him and she stood, remaining still while he chained her ankles. After everything was finished he allowed her to open her eyes. It at first was frightening, even though her motions were only partially limited.

She felt a little like Jacob Marley in 'A Christmas Carol'. All that clanking and rattling. Frightening, but at the same time, a sense of pride. Her Master had seen fit to chain his property. Those of you who understand are smiling right now. Those of you who don't, how to explain it? Men rarely seem to decide to mark what they own as theirs. Only what they take special pride in, something they want to keep completely for their own, is marked as theirs.

Master ordered shayla to the computer to do her work on it while he finished dinner. It took a moment or two for shayla to figure out how to type with all the paraphenalia attached to her. She spoke to Master Rich about her puzzlement the next night....

shayla: set shayla to working on her journal entry, & she asked. 'how's she going to type with all this on?' Whoops, mistake there, he just took ahold of the collar chains, & very pleasantly said that he'd made them that length so if he wanted he could wrap them around shayla's collar, so her hands'd be right by her neck, then told her to beg, which she did, really earnestly, to get back on her journal entry

shayla: sheesh

Rich: ~chuckle~ I like his style. When a girl is confined for the first time, there's a bit of fear, and perhaps even annoyance. It's classic and entirely predictable

At least shayla knows she was acting in a way that could, to some extent, be expected *G*. After shayla completed her duties on the computer, dinner eaten and put away, she was relieved of all chains except for the ones going from collar to wrist. Those, she slept in for the night. This was the first time he had restrained her overnight in any way. For some reason it was very comforting for shayla, being chained in such a manner. She slept more peacefully than she normally does.

In the morning Master called her to him to serve him. It was another new experience for shayla, serving her Master's pleasure in chains. But at the same time it felt very fitting. Master seemed to enjoy it as well, using the chains to position and control her, calling her 'chained slut' more than once while he used her. It's something shayla will never forget.

As it was, the cuffs were not satisfactory to shayla's Master. So adjustments have been ordered. Master has not seen fit to physically restrain shayla since. Master normally does not seem to consider physical restraints necessary. A word from him is sufficient to keep shayla in a given position. At this early stage of her servitude, she knows better than to break a position he has placed her in.

Even so, she is looking forward to when he'll chain her again. Some type of sexual kink? A feeling that she deserves such treatment? Not in the least. It goes back to being placed in something that makes it clear to her and any observer that she is owned by him. A way of saying, 'this woman belongs to me'. Looking back, shayla realizes that she reveled in the feeling of being chained by her Master.

It was another symbol of what she was to him.

His property.

shayla

Reminders

We've all used them a time or two. Little reminders that will help us to keep in the forefront of our minds things that we want to remember. Grocery lists, placing items that will be taken with a person near the door or car keys, sticky notes placed on the refrigerator. Any number of little tricks to ensure we don't forget important things in life.

Something a number of women do is place some type of daily reminder on their bathroom mirror, where it'll be the first thing they see in the morning, the last at night, and regularly throughout the day. Shayla has heard of any number of women that do this on a regular basis. Her sister does it, and swears by it.

Shayla is still relatively new to her slavery and her service to her Master. And while she is ascompletely commited to pleasing him as always, she is still human. She messes up, sometimes worse than others. Never intentionally, though. But occasionally she still needs a nudge to keep her mind focused on what she now is, her Master's slave. A great deal of this, she's certain, is re-shaping ways of thinking and habits that have been established for years. An entirely different mindset is taking shape. In some ways she is still making the adjustment from Free to slave. That doesn't make her feel any better when she's erred, though.

So one of her reminders is a little note on the bathroom mirror,
'Cadaverobedienz... treat every day as if it were your first serving him, shayla'
She reads it any time she happens to go into the room. It reminds her to keep in mind her Master's desire for her to be obedient to him, without question, in all things. And to act with the same care and attention to Master's wishes and her responses to them as she did when she first arrived here. Shayla only recalled this little trick the other day, so the note's not been there for long. But already she's noting that her eye goes to it each time it's in her sight.

Shayla has read about daily reminders, rituals, little behaviors and so forth that Masters and their girls use that help keep a new girl focused on what she now is and what her new place is. To keep her reminded of her status. From what she understands it is a help to them. So, for shayla, this is one of her little cues to keep her mind from straying off-course.

shayla

Dance

Shayla's never learned how to dance.

Oh, she can hear the statements now, 'sure you can, you're just not giving yourself credit', 'what do you mean, you've never learned how to dance?'

Rephrase - Shayla's never learned how to dance.

Various facets have contributed. Mostly lack of opprotunity. Shayla always having been such an introvert also played a great part. Master, on the other hand, has been dancing almost as long as he can walk. Given that he's older than shayla is, that puts him about a lifetime ahead of her in this aspect of things.

She's always wanted to learn, though. So she was equally eager and petrified when Master declared March to be The Month Shayla Learns to Dance. So Master's got plans with this, many of which shayla does not even know of at this point. He always likes his surprises. And shayla, as kajira, will be happy with not knowing until he wishes otherwise.

But first shayla's got to learn how to move. Most of her life she's kept her motions restrained. That's not saying she's been sedentary, but her motions have always been minimized. She's tempted to use the word compact. The free-flowing, open motions of dance require effort for her, simply because they are so open. Outside the range that she's been used to all her life, it's as if her body freezes, having forgotten how to move past a given point. Today her Master took her through some motions, instructed her on a thing or two, then turned her loose in the living room. He wasn't expecting anything pretty, or even cohesive, simply for shayla to move her body, feet, and hands. Just to keep them moving.

So while he worked on repairing a friend's computer, shayla danced in the living room. The whole purpose of this was to just get her to move, to get her to become used to dancing, both in general and with him observing. Occasionally he'd pause in what he was doing, observe, offer a suggestion or two, demonstrate occasionally, then go back to what he was doing. At first she couldn't get all her parts to move. She'd start, & not be able to figure out what to do with her feet. Get her feet moving, & suddenly her arms and hands would freeze. After a time she was able to at least keep things moving. But still restrained, kept in that little perimeter she's always kept herself in.

So more encouragement followed. Master had her do some motions for the express purpose of trying to make him laugh. Just to get her to move outside of that little perimeter she was having trouble getting out of. He wasn't wanting to mock her, simply to push her past that range of motion she was stuck in. And somehow it started to work. Yes, she felt ridiculous; no, it wasn't pretty. Only the fact that Master's never mocked her in any way enabled her to continue along this tack and not flee. Looking back, it was comical in a way. And it's surprising that she's able to laugh at herself about it. Shayla tried, really, she did. At this stage it was all she could do to simply keep moving. Which was all Master was looking for in the first place.

Occasionally it was as if something would begin to happen, only to cease when shayla realized it. Likely, she's thinking too much about what she's doing. Another thing that shayla is learning to stop, this thinking too much. Because apparently with dancing it's a bad idea. Along with a number of other times.

So she'll keep at it, and take advantage of every opprotunity that her Master allows her to. And she's got an exceptional teacher to push her through things in him, as well.

shayla

Equals

There are many ways in which a girl can be very humbled by her slavery to a man she admires and wants to belong to. Simply the fact that Master wants to own shayla is very humbling to her.

"We do not want an equal, that is not enough... we want more....we want a Master. We want him to be strong, ambitious, aggressive, possessive... lustful, dangerous, dominant....to guard us...protect us....own us.....to see us as his rightful properties..to feel that it is the most important thing in the world for us that we please him.
Witness of Gor, pg 460"

Shayla's had previous relationships with those who were her equals. Oh, it was nice. Both of us doing our parts in things, equal say in everything, negotiations and discussions about everything from how the kitchen should be arranged to where to live. All very equal. There were any number of times that shayla was able to get her way in things, either through negotiation or wheedling.

There have been a few men that shayla has been close to that have been more than that. In many ways superior to shayla. Not only caring for her, but encouraging her, inspiring her to be better than what she was. Able to encourage her to do more than the norm with just a word or gesture. Never abusive or selfish. The opposite was always true, actually. They were all very caring, gentle men. Always generous even as it was clear that it was they that was in charge of the relationship. And while none of shayla's relationships with these men were intimate (until her Master, that is), they were all very close, trusting relationships.

Her relationship with her Master is the same way. He inspires her, encourages her, is more generous with her than any person she's ever known. But at the same time, it has been clear since word one who was in control of things, who was 'driving'. He always takes into account her needs, feelings, desires, even opinions. But it's not her that makes the final choice, or even is allowed to influence it. She is only allowed her input. Anything further is not welcomed. He is, in many ways, more than what shayla is. She doesn't use the word superior, because that implies that shayla is an inferior person. But he is much more than shayla. More perceptive, self-assured, confident. He knows what he wants both out of himself and her, and does not settle for less from either.

Part of the challenge for shayla in being with her Master is dealing on a daily basis being with a man who is so much more than she is. Simply that fact alone pushes her to be more than what she would normally be. She no longer settles for good enough from herself. Her expectations of herself have risen in response to being his. Do they match his expectations of her? No. Because she is not him, she does not know what he is going to want of her in the future. While she knows what he expects of her in a number of things, the full import of those expectations is something she only has an idea of.

So while she's been in relationships with equals, for her, it's not enough. She needs more than an equal in a relationship. A man she can look up to, admire, adore and even fear a little. Because it's in that kind of relationship, in which she's pushed to be more than 'good enough', that she is most happy in.

shayla

Staying Up

Master's work keeps him out until the wee hours of the morning on the weekends. Often shayla will have an early day the next morning, so isn't able to stay up on those nights as she'd prefer to. Last night was an exception to the norm though. She'd gotten off her own work late, came home and did her duties; journal entry, blog entry, cleaned the kitchen as she'd not had time to before work. Shayla's never been a night owl, so being widely alert at 1:30 was unusual. She made use of the opprotunity to its fullest extent.

The house needed picking up some, so she spent some time on that. Master'd been ill the past 3 days so shayla's not had the opprotunity to maintain the home as she normally would. So last night's opportunity was welcome. It doesn't take long to straighten this living space. Afterwards she took some time to prepare herself for him. Nails, makeup, hair. It's always been a bit strange to shayla to pretty herself up in the middle of the night but it certainly is relaxing. A couple candles and an incense lit after she'd gotten herself together, a glass taken from the cupboard for the drink she knows he'll be wanting when he settles.

By then it was close to 2:30 and shayla settled down at his computer to catch up on some reading and wait. After reading for a few minutes she leaned the chair back and stretched out, closing her eyes for just a moment. Predictably enough, she wound up half-asleep in a couple minutes.

Not long afterwards the hears the door open and shut as he walks into the door. It takes shayla a couple seconds to orient herself to the situation when she wakes, so it was that long before she slipped from the chair and knelt, palms and head to the floor.

[Hah! She has no clue. I was home for a good bit, maybe five minutes, before she stirred. I was kicking off my boots, hanging up my jacket and keys, getting a drink from the fridge, etc., while she slumbered away in my chair. I called her name several times, and made no effort NOT to wake her, was in fact a bit noisy, but shayla is a heavy sleeper. The oddest part was the position she fallen asleep in. My computer chair reclines and has a seperate ottoman. There she was, stretched out like a lazy cat. On her back, turned slightly toward the door, arms up and over the back of the fully reclined chair, wrists crossed as if they were bound, bare legs, crossed at the ankles, stretched out onto the ottoman, her hair and makeup perfect, candles and incense burning, wearing nothing but a tee shirt and her collar, with the former being not quite long enough to cover her more clenchy parts. :-) She was angled in such a way that the perfect vantage would be immediately inside the door I had to enter. She looked exactly as if she was posing for a cheesecake shot. Beautiful. And stone-cold asleep. :-) I was in fact reaching for my camera when she startled awake, I suspect from my having to come within a foot or so of her to get the camera of my desk. Her eyes blinked wide in an instant of fear and disorientation - then as recognition set in, she dove for the carpet. - Marcus ]

He put his things away and took the chair that shayla'd been keeping warm for him, and she straightened to remove his boots and socks. Master stands a great deal at his job so he always likes his feet rubbed after work. It's always a relaxing time for both of us. Often we talk, but just as often we don't, simply the slutling rubbing his feet and Master working on the computer, catching up to news, e-mail, and so forth. Last night we talked about his work, a friend of shayla's, and laughed about a thing or two on a blog that Master was reading. When she'd done with his feet shayla laid down on the floor by the chair, licking and kissing his feet before resting her head on them (bare feet get cold, you know, and shayla's a part-time foot-warmer ;-) ). We spent the remainder of the time relatively quiet.

Master would occasionally trail a finger or hand along shayla's back, ass, and thighs, just enough so to keep her alert and half-aroused. Teasing her and letting her beg for more of the same. Though both of us knew he wouldn't allow anything last night. He likes shayla to be continually simmering, and as he's stated before, Master's a morning type of man. A while longer on the computer and shayla is ordered to crawl to the bedroom, he turning out the light as he follows her in. She settled at his feet, at first wrapping herself around them as she normally does. But Master ordered her to him, and she spent some time paying lip service to areas other than his feet before we both fell asleep, shayla's head resting against his hip.

A very enjoyable middle of the night. Shayla woke up fully sick this morning, she doesn't know how much of her illness due to staying up past what she's used to. But she considers it worth it. These midnight times Master and shayla spend together are special to her.

shayla

Rewards

No, shayla's not going to talk about monetary or material rewards, but something that is more meaningful to her. The little things her Master does for or allows her when she's been pleasing or simply because he wants to.

Her Master has high standards in what he's expecting from shayla. Everything from the way she speaks and walks to the way she conducts herself while she is away from him has been discussed at some point or another. And shayla has a very good idea of how her Master wishes her to be in almost any situation. If for some reason she is in doubt, she asks. And if she's not in doubt and is in error somehow, he lets her know promptly, so that she can correct her behavior. Shayla does her best to see to it that she is maintaining the standards he is wishing her to maintain. It's something that is always in the back of her mind, regardless of what she is doing or where she is doing it. As time goes on and shayla improves, her Master becomes more frequently pleased with her, and more likely to grant her small indulgences that would not be normally allowed.

It could be anything from some type of food to an outing somewhere. Shayla does not behave well out of motivation to recieve these things. She does so because she seeks to please him; see the smile on his face, hear him tell her he's pleased with her. But that doesn't mean the little indulgences that Master allows her aren't appreciated. The opposite is true, in fact. Often when he grants her some little thing tears will come to her eyes, she is so moved with her gratitude for his kindness. There have been any number of times that she has been genuinely surprised by these little actions on his part.

At first, she made the mistake of subconsciously relaxing after such an action. She still does not know why, and it's always bothered her that shortly after such a reward she would err in some way that would displease him. After she began to get an idea of what was happening inside, she began to take steps to keep this pattern from repeating itself.

Any time that Master has punished shayla for something, she has sought to use the experience. To take the circumstances surrounding the punishment and use it as a tool to improve. To add to her motivation to please him. Not to avoid further punishment, but to please him more than what she had been. For some reason she's not understood it seems to work. So she now tries to apply the same logic to the indulgences as well as the punishments. Use it as a tool to motivate her in further pleasing him. Again, she doesn't do this out of desire to receive more, she does it to please him more. One of the last things that shayla has entered this relationship for is what she might gain from her Master. She simply does not work in that way.

So now, when her Master takes her on an outing, lets her have the shrimp or raspberries that she adores, allows another item of clothing to be gotten for the joy of it, instead of necessity, she uses that indulgence. Uses it as a tool to improve her service to him. She keeps it in the forefront of her mind that he did this because he was pleased with her, and to maintain that behavior to continue to please him. Because he doesn't have to do such things. In our relationship, they're entirely optional on his part. He does them because he enjoys it, and because she has pleased him.

shayla