Primus Noctis

In her previous post, shayla referred to that first night we ever talked. I was sitting at home, idly surfing the net, and ran across the Gorean Personals Group on Yahoo. Curious, not even half interested, really, I browsed some of the members there. I noticed that she was online in Messenger. Just on a whim, I pinged her. It was one of those curious, idle gestures that can shape a life. What, my friends, were the odds?

Here is the transcript of that first chat, which went on for hours. I've editied a bit, only for clarity and to resolve some privacy issues. As I reread it, I don't see what made it all that special, though there are a few passages that stand out as more important. I've bolded them. I can tell you that that night, as we chatted, something clicked. The entire conversation seemed full of portent, as if we both knew something significant was happening. Though tired, after we ended that talk about two AM my time, I slept only lightly, my mind churning furiously as I relived it, hovering in that semi-conscious state that is neither sleep nor wakefullness.

I "woke" early the next morning, to find that she had done the same, and we chatted some more. But that is fodder for another day.

Without further ado...

Marcus : Hello shayla...
shayla : and you would be.....
Marcus : Marcus
shayla : and do i know you somehow?
Marcus : I was just perusiong the Gor personals archives, saw that you were online, and thought I'd say hi.
shayla : oh, excuse me... i'm sorry... ~ blushes~ i'm not used to this quite yet....
Marcus : Relax, it's not like I'm going to crawl thorugh the modem and come get you.
shayla : BOL...
Marcus : Even though it is broadband.
shayla : ~ readies the baseball bat~
Marcus : BOL?
shayla : Bursts Out Laughing
Marcus : Aaahh...
shayla : greetings to You...
Marcus : How has the search gone for you?
shayla : nada... You?
Marcus : To answer your question, it's gone OK, I suppose. Just joined the group a few weeks ago.
shayla : ah... so, where are You, Marcus?
Marcus : I live in Houston.
shayla : been lurking mostly... a Texan..that's both good & bad....
Marcus : Really? In what way?
shayla : good 'cause Texans are so very nice..& bad 'cause it's half-way across the country....
Marcus : Aaah. You're where?
shayla : southeast Washington State
Marcus : SE? Kinda the boonies, no?
shayla : yes.... ~ laughs~ very much so
Marcus : Well, I imagine planes fly there...
Marcus : Had many responses?
shayla : not many.... just one, actually...
Marcus : The few other girls I've talked with have mostly run into a bunch of jerks, so they say.
shayla : well.... this is a good medium to run into jerks, that's for certain....
Marcus : It would probably help if you put a pic up.
shayla : it would..and it would not....
Marcus : Privacy concerns?
Marcus : Or do you not think of yourself as attractive...
Marcus : Or are you really a 62 y.o. gay man?
shayla : privacy concerns...and i do not wish to hand people too much information of myself too soon...
Marcus : Understandable. There's a pic up on my profile... http://profiles.yahoo.com/XXXXX
Marcus : Just in case you're curious. As for myself, I could give a wombat's ass what the world thinks.
shayla : ROFLMAO.... You're a geek??? How well does that PAY????
Marcus : Well enough, I suppose. Why do you ask? About the geek thing, not the pay.
shayla : & You're not bad at all....
Marcus : You seemed surprised I'd be a geek.
shayla : i just thought it was funny that You put 'geek' as occupation is all....
Marcus : Aaaah..
shayla : & there's certainly nothing wrong with being a geek. God knows i've been one all my life
Marcus : It's actually been forever since I've looked at that profile... And I've forgotten what's up there.
shayla : You snooped at mine, i'm certain?
Marcus : Yeah, and I think you misspelled mosquito.
shayla : mosquitoe?
Marcus : Ummhmm.
shayla : hey...i'm a blood-sucker, not a librarian...
Marcus : Just call me Conan the Grammarian.
shayla : uh oh..
Marcus : Well, to be sure, I haven't just done geeky things my entire life.
shayla : it would take real effort to do that..do geeky things all one's life.
Marcus : Yeah, as I said, I was just combing the archives, looking for a loose kajira somewhere, and saw that you were online.
shayla : yep, stray kajira, that's me alright... seriously..what do You do?
Marcus : Various things - I'm pretty much a free-range geek.
Marcus : I do some web work, a lot of training...
shayla : training? what kind?
Marcus : And my phone rings off the hook every time a new virus hits the net.
Marcus : Ohhh, had six-month gig training tech support folks for Gateway.
shayla : so You're a computer geek...
Marcus : They're probably the only folks you'd recognize.
shayla : Bill Gates is one of those, & look at him....
Marcus : I'd rather not, thanks.
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : i can relate to that...
shayla : how old did You say You were?
Marcus : I didn't.
shayla : ????
Marcus : My profile says 41, but that's how old I was when I put it up.
Marcus : I'm 45.
shayla : i can deal with that...
shayla : 32...
Marcus : I just looked at it.
Marcus : I'm pretty well-preserved.
shayla : well-preserved....
shayla : that's an interesting way to put it...
Marcus : I think it's the beer that does it.
Marcus : Would you like a more current pic?
shayla : ok..fire....
shayla : i'm afraid i've not got any pics to send You at this time...
Marcus : No biggie.
Marcus : I have a digital, so it's easy for me.
shayla : slightly devious, but honest....
Marcus : Huh?
shayla : Your face.... like it...
Marcus : The first girl I ever sent it to said it should be captioned, "The Laughing King."
shayla : ~ laughs~
Marcus : I liked that.
shayla : she was right, too....
Marcus : Wait one...
shayla : one onethousand
shayla : two onethousand
shayla : three onethousand
shayla : four onethousand....
Marcus : Smartass. Remind me to beat you...
shayla : why, thank You, Master.... promises promises
Marcus : Can't remember where I put this pic....
Marcus : grumbles, opens up a find dialog box
shayla : alzheimers?
Marcus : No, thousands of images on four networked computers... Each of which has multiple drives.
shayla : DAYUM.....
shayla : i'm sorry..i shouldn't be teasing You like that on such short acquaintance...
Marcus : My office here looks like the place where computers go to die.
shayla : ah... an undertaker... that's what You are....
Marcus : Oh, the teasing's fine...since you're technically still a Free Woman.
shayla : technically.... but not emotionally... there IS a difference....
Marcus : Yes, indeed, so enjoy your freedom, for however long it lasts.
Marcus : Don't confuse my easygoing banter here... with my attitude towards kajirae.
Marcus : Aaah, found it.
shayla : well..i'm not in a rush..have no wish to make a mistake that i'd regret later......
Marcus : Prudent.
shayla : ~ braces herself~
shayla : yes, that i ...
shayla : can You blame me in this day & age?
Marcus : Not at all.
Marcus : Be a whole lot easier just to go grab you off an auction block.
shayla : ok..i'm not certain what just happened, but i lost the download over here...
Marcus : I'll resend.
shayla : that's odd...it's not going... could just be me.. i'm computer stupid
Marcus : Was probably a glitch on my end - the machie's doing about seven things at once.
shayla : oh, have mercy
Marcus : Did you get the bax asking you to accept the pic?
Marcus : Err, box?
shayla : yes, i got the bax alright...
shayla : got the box, too
Marcus : That's two...
shayla : two what?
Marcus : Beatings.
shayla : i haven't given You the authority to do that yet...
Marcus : Doesn't mean I can't queue 'em up.
shayla : omigod....i'm in trouble....
shayla : well, hell with it..i can't find the silly thing
Marcus : The pic? I can email it. What's your addy?
shayla : xxxxx@yahoo.com
shayla : so.... question... why Gor..what draws You to it?
Marcus : Funny, I was about to ask you that myself.
Marcus : Read all the books as a young man...
shayla : why?
Marcus : Why I read all the books?
shayla : yes...
Marcus : I'm a reader...
shayla : understandable... but something in them touched You.. what?
Marcus : Enjoyed the "Further Adventures of Tarl Cabot."
shayla : ??? have not heard of that...
Marcus : Thought Norman, for all his stylistic failings, did a great job of creating an alien culture down to the nth detail.
shayla : yes, that He did... but missed a great deal, as well....
shayla : read them since i was 17....they stirred something inexplicable inside me..it was terrifying....i actually had the whole darn set..1-25...got scared one day & tossed 'em all out.....stupid girl ...still missing six of 'em... but have 'em on the computer, so...wg...
Marcus : The "Further Adventures" is my made up name for the half of the books where he runs around in picaresque fashion.
shayla : ah..i see....
Marcus : makes a note to track down the idiot that put the caps lock key so close to the A and beat him
shayla : that was me, i did it... did i just make 3, by chance?
Marcus : I think all of mine are still around somewhere.
shayla : i've got 'em on hand....
Marcus : I don't envy you, shayla.
shayla : why?
Marcus : I don't think I could do what you are doing.
shayla : do what? what'm i doing?
Marcus : Trying to wade through half the planet looking for your Master.
Marcus : It's much easier for us, I think.
shayla : yes, that it is...
shayla : You noted the way i answered Your first message.... ~ smiles~
Marcus : A bit sharp, I thought.
shayla : & i do not even know if He exists....
Marcus : He may not.
shayla : He may not.... but then again..He may....i'll look for Him when i see Him coming
Marcus : I think that even in Norman's febrile fantasies, it was a lucky kajira that found her True Master.
shayla : yep... the books are fiction....have to have a happy ending in fictions
Marcus : I was thinking about that very topic earlier today...
shayla : & here we are in the real world with all the freaks & geeks
Marcus : That email ought to be there by now.
shayla : my browser's being slow tonight
Marcus : I was thinking how bad it must suck to be a lost kajira, and how scary it would be.
shayla : am i lost?
Marcus : Has you Master found you?
Marcus : The question answers itself.
shayla : i've only the past few months learned what i am...
Marcus : What drove it home to you?
shayla : snooping on the internet...reading, learning...snooping....
Marcus : Chatrooms?
shayla : i have zero actual experience in things...
shayla : and yes, chatrooms....
Marcus : Those suck.
shayla : yes, that they do...
shayla : they are not real...
Marcus : Stay far away would be my advice.
shayla : i want real..and do not even know if i'd be able to handle it...
Marcus : And there's the rub.
shayla : indeed....
Marcus : The biggest impediment to a true Master/kajira relationship...
Marcus : in my totally unhumble opinion.
shayla : like that term..very suitable for You.
Marcus : I sometimes wrong, but rarely uncertain. :-)..
shayla : i've got another term for that last phrase...
Marcus : What last phrase.
shayla : 'rarely uncertain'
Marcus : And that would be?
Marcus : On Gor, you would handle it, because you would *have* to...
shayla : yes, that i would... i can handle a great deal, though... i've learned....
Marcus : Whereas here, there will always be in the back of your mind that you can get out.
shayla : precisely.... that is part of what is so appealing...
Marcus : Get that pic yet?
shayla : no, actually, i didn't...
Marcus : Huh.
shayla : & the term i prefer is 'cocky'
shayla : does that make for #3, by chance?
Marcus : Naah, but I think there is a difference between cocky and confident.
shayla : yes, that there is... & i'm not precisely the one to make that distinction
Marcus : I've always been pretty damn good at whatever I've set out to do.
shayla : good...
shayla : there are a great number of people that do not
Marcus : So, it's more like an accurate assessment of my track record.
shayla : yes, that it would be....
Marcus : : Back to your question...
shayla : question? did i ask a question?
Marcus : about what draws me to a Gorean relationship.
shayla : yes... why?
Marcus : I think that women, as a species, are just about the most wonderful thing in all of creation. Been in love with them all my life.
shayla : ~ laughs~ oh...that's a first for me... i've always considered the male to be another species...never encountered a Man that felt the same way....
Marcus : Was never one of those little boys that hated girls...
shayla : & owning one...yes, i can understand....
Marcus : We're symbiotes... Isn't that obvious?
shayla : symbiotes...i've had a long day, refresh my memory on the description of that word?
Marcus : And I think a Gorean kajira, free and joyful in her submission... free to be herself for the first time in her life...to express her sexuality...in love with her Master, her Hero...
shayla : a sarcastic romantic... i love it...
Marcus : would have to be the most beautiful thing a man could ever hope to see. And to *own* one? Takes my breath away to think about it. Ferraris. racehorse, Rembrandts, who fucking goves a damn compared to that?
shayla : ~ smiles~
Marcus : See, I can't even type thinking about it.
shayla : You're a good one.... You're head's in the right place, it would seem...
Marcus : I think so. Cocky bastard that I am :-).
shayla : yes, that too... & for me... the thought of being wanted to the point of being owned..the notion that i can just...just hand a Man such control...oh, it just makes my heart ache to think it...there's a lot of my natural reactions that are just...Bam..right there in the books...
Marcus : And to take a girl, crush all the doubts she has, burn away the Earth girl, refine her to become a kajira, would be to create a living work of art.
shayla : shaddup, You're makin' my head swim here...
shayla : ok... this is interesting... whoa...
(a note here: it was at this point in the conversation that shayla somehow knew that Master Marcus would be significant in a life-changing way. Instinct? Woman's intuition? She'll never know. Between the conversation, his photo he'd sent, and what he'd said, she could not get him out of her head. For a week, she was unable to sleep peacefully. Dreams of the conversation, the ones in the next days, and his face kept intruding...shayla)

Marcus : And if I'm this good over a modem...
shayla : i could say something... but....i'm at what..2? 3?
Marcus : Can you imagine what it's like to have me whisper in you ear?
shayla : shaddup
(in retrospect, shayla is unhappy with her having told him that. It is something that, at this stage, would be absolutely unthinkable for her to say to her Owner. And would earn his displeasure and discipline....shayla)
shayla : ok... no pic... but..BUT.... 5'4".....
shayla : light brown straight hair almost to my waist ~ crosses fingers~
shayla : gray eyes that go green when someone's in trouble....
Marcus : Just cut to the chase, woman.
shayla : i am.... one line at a time....
Marcus : What is it you're afraid to tell me?
shayla : not a model, but not that bad...
shayla : what is it You're looking for?
Marcus : A kajira, silly. A real life, meatspace, 24/7 kajira
shayla : ah..yeah...basically, yes...last time i checked, anyhow....
shayla : meatspace? what do You mean by that?
Marcus : Not an online game, not a roleplaying, "Oh it's Saturday night, get out the silk and chains" relationship.
shayla : i know...dead-serious real...
shayla : right down to Your collar on the neck....
Marcus : Meatspace is the antonym of cyberspace.
shayla : gotcha... i'm new, but i do learn fast...
Marcus : Oh, I forgot, a symbiote is an organism that has to be paired with another of a different species to survive.
shayla : gotcha... yes, makes perfect sense..
shayla : i like the way You think...
Marcus : As an example, some algae live inside sea anenomes...
shayla : understood.... interdependance of two separate species... excellent way of putting it...
Marcus : The bacteria in your intestines.
shayla : hey, someone else that's not disgusted by the thought...
shayla : ~ laughs~indeed...
Marcus : I'm still waiting for that other shoe to drop.
shayla : what shoe? did i drop a shoe?
shayla : & what was it that i'd dropped?
Marcus : Whatever it is that seems to worry you to the point that you don't wanna tell me.
Marcus : Got two heads? One eye?
shayla : no... healthy & 'normal'....
Marcus : So, what is it?
shayla : all the right fingers & toes in all the right places...
shayla : what is what?
Marcus : (sighs)
shayla : omigod... humor me
Marcus : I've gotten the impression that there is something about the way you look that you are afraid I will not find pleasing. Am I correct?
shayla : just the extra 50 pounds is all....
Marcus : lol...
shayla : & You'd interrupted when i started to describe myself...
shayla : oh, & glasses..get contacts end of the month, but that's no biggie...
Marcus : So, I toss you in a cage and feed you salad for a few months. Big whoop.
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : & what about exercising??? & hygeine?
Marcus : The cage would have a door.
shayla : thank my lucky stars for that...
Marcus : With a lock.
shayla : great..i'll pocket the key
Marcus : What the hell you think you'd be wearing that had *pockets*????
shayla : i'm far from svelte...
Marcus : Now, would you like to know how I knew?
shayla : 'cause i skirted around the issue & let You distract me...
shayla : omigod..i'm having a battle of wits with someone with ammunition...
Marcus : Would you believe me if I told you I was certain it was your weight?
shayla : no, 'cause You'd be right..
shayla : wow...
shayla : oh...~ whistles~ i'd think of something..
Marcus : It was when you went straight from 5'4"...
shayla : no shit, sherlock
(another incidence of something that would be unthinkable to shayla at this stage...shayla)
Marcus : to your hair, or whatever it was...
shayla : to my best feature....well, one of 'em...
Marcus : Oh, you get big-time brownie points for the hair...
shayla : yep...
shayla : & eyes actually do that, by the way...
shayla : is kinda fun at times...
shayla : what was that e-mail addy You sent that pic to?
Marcus : So, I was going to ask you...
shayla : You were were You?
shayla : must be that alzheimer's again
Marcus : Actually, I think I just did - a bright kajira would have picked up on that...
Marcus : Anticipating the Master's wishes and all...
shayla : ah, but that comes with familiarity - this is our first conversation
Marcus : I set the bar pretty high.
shayla : how so?
Marcus : Don't read that last in the past tense. I meant that as in "I typically set the bar pretty high."
shayla : i know what You meant...
Marcus : Hmm...
Marcus : That's weird...
shayla : what's weird?
Marcus : You're showing as logged out.
shayla : yep
Marcus : What'd you do? Go into super-inviso mode?
shayla : essentially, yes
Marcus : Didn't know you had secret superpowers. I'm scared.
shayla : oh, there's a great deal You don't know about me...
shayla : i only hand a person what i feel they will handle genlty
shayla : gently even...
Marcus : 'S Ok - I can read minds, so I'll be warned if you try anything slippery.
shayla : indeed...
shayla : & i'm rarely one to back down from a challenge...
shayla : so...what'm i wearing right now, SuperMaster?
Marcus : : A smile.
shayla : oh, You're good....
Marcus : See, I can tell the future, too.
shayla : really....and that would be.....
Marcus : That you would smile a few seconds after I hit the enter key.
shayla : yep..cocky...i like that in a person...
Marcus : Cock like a rock.
shayla : i'll remember that when i pocket that key..make sure You can find it if i want You to.....
shayla : that was a little tmi there
Marcus : I didn't mean at this moment.
shayla : of course You weren't
Marcus : And I was referring to my attitude, anyway.
shayla : i know what You were referring to...
shayla : so..what's this...Marcus....stand for?
Marcus : Marcus Livius Drusus, the Younger.
Marcus : A Roman Senator...
shayla : Your o/l name...
Marcus : Died about 60 BCE
Marcus : Waaaaaay back when in the olden days of computers...
shayla : news flash..they didn't have computers back then....
Marcus : before the internet, even.
Marcus : About 1987...
shayla : so this was more recently then....
shayla : ok...
Marcus : I needed to pick a username that would be unique on any network.
shayla : well, this certainly fits the bill alright...
Marcus : You are quick, aren't you?
shayla : i try to be.. am i succeeding?
shayla : transpositions aside, that is?
Marcus : Somewhat.
shayla : somewhat...high praise indeed, i suspect...
Marcus : Anyway, I remembered this character, whose name was enough like my own...
Marcus : Which is Mark.
shayla : ok....
Marcus : But I'd been answering to Marcus ever since high school...
shayla : i see...
Marcus : Where I'd taken three years of Latin.
shayla : oh, no...
shayla : ~ laughs~
shayla : eww...
shayla : i've only got the two years of french...
shayla : & half of that i don't remember..
Marcus : Anyway, Marcus, or MLD has been my "nom de net" ever since.
shayla : well..this is NOT getting me to bed...
shayla : & i've got victims to stab tomorrow....
Marcus : I've longtime friends on the net from various mailing lists and such who would never think to call me anything but that.
shayla : well..was good talking with You, Marcus....
Marcus : Likewise - I imagine we'll do it again.
shayla : g'night to You...
shayla : oh, we will...& You'll get a less suspicious response as well....
Marcus : In the meantime, I'll toss you off an email or two, with some serious thoughts about Gor and such.
shayla : sure...
Marcus : Oh, your suspicious response stalled me about how long?
Marcus : I'm pretty good at battering down barriers...
Marcus : And that alone oughta scare the hell out of you.
Marcus :: With that thought - G'night.