Returning to one's self

Much of being Gorean and living as such, either Free or slave, is being true to one's nature. To get past and she modern societal conditioning and be what you truly are. Follow one's one natural instincts and tendencies. In the people who shayla has known who consider themselves Gorean she finds a very common grouping of traits. They are all honest, hard-working, respectful of others, concientious of how their actions affect the people and the environment around them, self-disciplined, proud in varying degrees, very aware of what they are and aren't, and follow their own inner promptings in being themselves and following their nature.

shayla had never fully, or even partially, belonged to a man as his slave until she met her Master. But her nature, what enables her to serve him as abjectly and eagerly as she does, is something that's been a part of her for years. Her desire to serve and love of giving of herself and the things she has created. Not out of motivation for what she may possibly recieve in return, but for the simple joy of giving part of what she is and can create to another person, and the satisfaction of having pleased them. Countless times she has had episodes of cadaverobedienz with men who she's held in high regard. Simply sitting or laying at a man's feet has always been inexplicably contenting for her. The career path she has chosen. All facets of slave-like service, all very much part of her nature.

A Gorean man who shayla has spoken with for some months, and who has gained her trust and high regard, phrased it very clearly and pointedly one night about a month after she'd joined her Master. The following is that part of the conversation....

shayla: very interesting, this has been....she keeps feeling as though she's sinking

Rich: sinking?

shayla: sinking, lowering..a kind of...going back feeling, like she's becoming reacquainted with her more basic nature

Rich: ah, yes. This is to be expected.

shayla: she's tempted to say primitive

Rich: "immersion" is a term I've used.

shayla: much better, that one

Rich: Not to needlessly wax christianic.. but in a way you are being reborn.

shayla: so Master's having shayla do more, having her start to do things that he's wanting her to do and be

shayla: oh, that's a good term, Master..*G*

shayla: it's like, when he mentions these things, as if she's fogotten, and is being reminded of them again

Rich: this is not too far from the truth. In fact, our "modern" society dumps a lot of useless crap on women, (and men), and it "hides away" our true natures. Only by "going back", or immersing ourselves in our own nature can we begin to know and understand ourselves.

Rich: So, in a way, you have forgotten yourself.

shayla: though, at the same time, it's scary

Rich: change is often scary

shayla: it's odd, seems like she's been here forever

Rich: ~shrug~ in a way, you have.

shayla: now *that's* a very profound statement, Master

Rich: it may be said that you are as much remembering your nature as rediscovering it.

shayla: which is why she feels as though she's remembering things she has forgotten a long time ago

Rich: ~shrug~ naturally.

shayla: interesting

shayla: very good, though, this rediscovering, Master

Rich: yes, of course.

Rich: You may fight your nature, or learn to live with it. Those are the choices you have if and only if you KNOW your nature. The trick is to learn your own nature. Those who do not, live an unexamined life, and the unexamined life isn't worth living. Such people are generally miserable, and they don't know why.

shayla: that last statement seems to describe most of our society today, Master

Rich: Yes. One has only to look at the incredible amount of unhappiness in modern society, and what people are doing about it to see this principle in action. .....

Rich: a very few people look at the world and say: "I am responsible for my own happiness." Then they try to find out what it is that makes them unhappy -- the ONLY way to do that is to know themselves. And, once they do *that* they are happy. It doesn't matter if they want to fight their nature or live with it. They are happy.

So, as shayla continues to serve her Master, she is also growing as a person in leaps and bounds. A continual spiral, in a way. The more she serves, obeys, and pleases her Master, the more that she grows: in self-esteem and confidence, self-assurance, physical beauty, as her Master has given her a regimen of exercise and diet to follow, and also learning that what she thought were limitations in her abilities were simply evidence that she'd never been pushed to go beyond them. And the more she grows, the better her service, obedience to, and ability to please her Master becomes. As his pleasure with his girl grows, it inspires her to become even more for him.

shayla