"Obey"

Marcus: But you didn't really delve into the one thing I'd like to hear... why do you think that you are kj (by my definition) - what is it in you that makes pleasing me supercede any of your other wants, needs, and preferences?
shayla: You...she does not know, Master...she only knows that You touch something, make something in her flame...that nobody else has touched in the same way, Master..not ever to this extent...she...cannot reject it, couldn't resist it no matter how she tried, Master
shayla: and she doesn't even want to, Master
Marcus: So you jump into the fire... and burn.
shayla: it is....liberating, in a way that she never imagined possible, Master
shayla: You..Master...
shayla: do not have the words, Master
Marcus: Try.
shayla: she can...she can be, Master..what she is...
Marcus: and what are you, woman?
shayla: and here You have seen her at her worst and at her most suspicious and questioning..and You just let her be, Master...You Master her.. in a way that touches every part of her and causes her to want Your pleasure with her no matter what
shayla: she is kajira, Master...nothing else...
shayla: she is other than submissive, Master..she is...kajira
shayla: she is Your slave, Master, Your kajira
Marcus: Damn straight.
Marcus: I wonder how well you will remember that when I want something, and you're tired, or not in the mood, etc.

There are a lot of powerful things in this part of our talks, but the one shayla is focusing on now is Master's last statement.

The past three months have not been easy on her. Essentially shayla is having to re-learn things that she has known, discovering things that she's either not known about or had no chance to learn. As Master's previous post indicates, shayla's one to be impatient with herself. She wants, hungers to learn, but often she is unable to grasp or master what it is that her Master is trying to teach her. Just because she is owned does not mean that all the normal human emotions are pared down to the positive ones. She still, and always will, get angry, discouraged, have lazy fits, and so forth. There have been times that Master's been away at his job and shayla is extremely tempted to cop out, skip her daily workout. She may be tired, sore, or it could be raining outside. Or she simply isn't in the mood for it. Times when he Master wakes her to serve in one form or another. When she's angry at herself or him (though, in retrospect, she's never been justifiably angry at him, merely emoting at that time). Or when she's really like to binge on some cheese or chocolate, just for the fun of it.

What stops her from doing so is the simple fact that her Master'd not be pleased if she indulged in such a way. It would be wrong in a number of ways, not the least of which is the level, or lack thereof, of commitment she displays in her service and his pleasure. There are times that shayla does not understand her Master's motivation for a certain choice for his girl. She restrains her curious side and simply obeys.

In her obedience and submission to him, though, she has come to discover her own level of satisfaction in what she's done in obeying. A sense of pride, almost, in that, despite her wanting to slack in something, she has seen to it that she completed the task as wished. Not once has she wished she'd not obeyed. Whether that be put 100% of what she is capable of in the exercises that her Master's taught her and wishes her to do daily or reject, for the 3rd time, the ice cream that a co-worker offers her.

It rather goes back to the mind-set of, 'you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?'. Shayla asked her Master if her performance in this facet has been acceptable. His response, 'I have no complaints', is all she needs to know that she's doing alright in that aspect of her service to him. So long as he is happy with her, she is as well.

shayla