Pony Rides in the May Sunshine

Something that shayla has noticed occasionally is the tendency to suspect, even unconsciously, that when a girl is collared, both the Master and slave will thrive as a pair with relatively no difficulty. That the girl will progress smoothly in her new place at her Master's beck and call. That the Master will be firm, strong, and loving with his property, doling out discipline and punishment with fairness and ease.

Not by a long shot. From shayla's (admittedly) limited experience, she could say that a Gorean relationship takes more work than a vanilla one.

For the Master, there is the challenge of knowing his property inside and out. Being responsible for her in all facets. Learning what prompts her responses, inspires her, frightens her. What she dreams of and wants out of life. Master has said more than once that to him, true Mastery of a girl isn't just making her obey, it's causing even the remotest desire to disobey to vanish. Shayla is certainly not Master material (quite the opposite, in fact *G*), but she imagines that such a thing is not easy for a Master to accomplish. And when for some reason the girl has earned heself punishment (Master told shayla once that whether she is punished or not is a direct result of her own actions..in a manner of thought, it is up to her if she receives punishment; directly related to her level of effort to be pleasing and obedience to his wishes), the Master has the task of deciding a punishment that is both thorough and leaves his girl with an increased desire to please and grow. And, as shayla has had the awful experience herself, it is often as difficult for a Master to give punishment as it is for his slave to recieve it.

As far as the slave is concerned, a different set of challenges. Most of the kajirae shayla knows are strong-minded, resourceful, independent women. To set all that to one side (though not dispose of it) and yield fully to the one she has come to belong to is a continual work in progress. Shayla herself is a very stubborn person, not one to do something unless she has a good reason. She has never been one to follow the crowd, intentionally rely on others, expose her deepest thoughts. Always there has been a large part of her that was held back, only shown to the most trusted of friends, and then only briefly. The primary duty to a girl is transparency. For shayla, this continual disclosure of her deepest thoughts is both extremely freeing and difficult. For too long she has hidden herself away. Another difficulty a girl has is yielding to her Master's smallest wish. Most strong-minded women (and men as well, for that matter) know how they want to do things; dress, pay bills, mow the lawn, when and if to continue their career, whatever. And the girl must shunt that aside and let herself do things the way her *Master* wishes. To set her old habits aside and defer to him in everything. It is something that, to shayla's mind, a girl must continually keep in mind.

Shayla is learning that, on the girl's part, transparency is a crucial thing in the relationship. Obligation? Oh, yes, by all means, it's one of her greatest obligations to her Master. But she has been discovering that being fully open to her Master in her thoughts and feelings, continually communicating with him, is a great assistance in the Master and his girl becoming a stronger pairing. In his knowing exactly how his girl thinks and feels about everything, he manages and Masters her better.

Is it easy? For shayla, it's not. She is breaking old habits, learning new ones. Learning to simply accept that while she does not know what is planned to happen, how her Master intends on training her, *HE* does. Stopping that reflexive stubborn streak of hers and simply yield to the way he wishes things to be. To be more deferential and respectful than she's ever been. She is trusting, for the first time in her life, another person on a level she'd never dreamed possible. And there are moments in her service when she'll despair, feeling that she's not able to do anything right. In those times she takes a mental step back and really thinks about how far she's come, the changes in her that have taken place already. And that her Master would not have her at his feet and under his hand if he didn't want her there.

This has been one of the most difficult things shayla has done, but it is also one of the most rewarding. If she had the chance to change anything about this relationship, she'd not take it. She loves every facet of belonging to her Master. It has been her experience that the most difficult things are also the ones that are most worthwhile.

shayla