Negatives

Most of what shayla has posted here has been about things that are positive. She's mentioned frustration a time or two, her feelings when she has displeased her Master, but other than that she's not spoken much about the other side of the coin. Master'd told her months ago that she was perfectly welcome to think and feel whatever she wished, so long as she didn't let it affect her attitude.

Shayla's a natural slave, but she's still very human. She's got 34 years worth of habits and ways of doing things that are now in the midst of changing, morphing into being the way her Master wishes her to be. At times it goes well, others she wants to scream, throw her hands up in the air, and go hide for a day or two. She doesn't, though. There are times that she's got to pause and take a deep breath, others that she's been able to push through the negative feelings and keep on with the duties she has (usually when she's on pushup # 67 & really wants to cop out on the rest). Times when she'll want to do things in a way other than how Master wishes to do it, or when she has no idea what Master is trying to accomplish, and is only obeying blindly, with no idea what the end goal is.

During those times she's learned it's best to just keep on going with her Master's wishes. To keep in mind that it's not her place to deem when or how something gets done. And when a task is done, she looks at what happened, her Master's response, and knows that she was able to keep her personal feelings/thoughts/agenda from interfering with her service to him.

It's not easy, and seems to be something that takes practice. So much of it is keeping in mind what shayla is, and the conditions of service she accepted when she came to her Master. Before she came down to him her focus was on taking care of herself and following her own wishes. Now it's on her Master and status, which is still new to her. 5 months isn't very long, and during that time she's been learning more how to focus less on how herself and her feelings about something, and more on seeing to it that it's done Master's way.

shayla