Expectations

Master and shayla spoke with each other almost daily for over a year, via phone, e-mail, regular mail, messenger sessions. And during that time shayla continued her relationships with other Goreans she knew (and still knows), both Free and slave. Shayla had no actual experience in serving a Master until she met him. Though she did try, circumstances kept that from happening. Everything from distance to timing to a transmission going kaput on the way to a Gorean gathering in Portland, OR. So when shayla came to be with her Master she had a fairly good idea what to expect, how to behave, but very little real experience to draw upon.

There've been a lot of differences. Shayla expected that he'd be firm with her, that he'd push her. But she never expected how much he'd push her, what he'd be expecting of her. There's been times that he's pushed her to the point of hysterics and blind terror, then pushed her even further. And as time goes by his expectations raise, become more exacting. He's never been cruel to her, never punished her without making it clear to her how she'd erred. Though there have been times in her more frightened moments shayla's forgotten that, knowing only that she is his and that he's in complete control.

On the other hand, he is more gentle and caring to her than she's ever experienced a man to be. When he's done some unexpected kindness, allowed her something nice that's brought her to tears. A cookie brought home for her (which she made last for 2 days), a shopping trip, kisses her, going to watch a movie. Many evenings she's spent at his feet, her head in his lap as he gently holds a fistful of her hair in his hand, talking with her about practically anything. She's never known such peace in living with a person.

One of the things that Master and shayla discussed before she joined him was how things might be after the 'honeymoon' stage was over. It's something she'd wondered about before she arrived here. The contentment and happiness she feels, though, have only increased. But mingled in with the feelings she has for him is an equal fear of him. She'd never imagined that a look of displeasure from him would bring her to tears, chest cold with fear while she licks and kisses at his feet, occasionally placing one on her head as she lays on her belly before him.

If anyone had told shayla a year ago that she'd be working out 2 hours a day she would have thought them to be joking in the worst possible way. Yet here she is, doing just that, while still maintaining her duties to her Master, the house, and a job. She's discovered a level of self-discipline that she'd never thought herself capable of. And she'd never imagined that she would have lost size to where she is now.

More than that, is the completely, wholly unexpected level of commitment and devotion she is still developing in her service to him. The harder Master drives shayla, the more devoted to him she is. A compliment from him will have her redoubling her efforts to please him. A Gorean man that shayla knows commented to her once that she'd begin to react to a kind word or gesture from him in much the same way she would if he'd punished her. And that seems to be exactly what has been developing.

There is a bond between Master and shayla that she feels continually. We get along, not just as Master/slave, but person-to-person, better than shayla would have ever have expected, or even imagined. And she is more kajira now than she'd ever imagined possible. It's only been 6 months, with a lifetime of servitude to him ahead of her. She can't even begin to imagine how things will deepen, evolve, what she'll become.

shayla