Fears

We all have our fears. Spiders, heights, snakes, paper cuts, whatever. For shayla, she's afraid of being the center of attention. To be clearly visible. Whether that be having her picture taken, performing in some way, even dressed sexily when she's out. In the past, she has always let the fears rule her. Avoided situations in which she's so visible, preferring to slip unnoticed into the background. Until chance brought her into a situation where she's regularly the center of attention. It scares the pants off her regularly (figuratively, that is. Her Master doesn't allow her to wear slacks in the house). Why's she scared of being the center of attention? It's really more conditioned response than anything else. And it is something her Master has been chipping and grinding away at little by little.

It's frustrating. Shayla will start a performance of some kind, only to stall or trip up mid-way through. He's taken her through some performances time and again, letting her adapt to the notion of being observed closely as she does something. It's not all that easy for her. She must fight her natural response to close in on herself and concentrate on what it is he's wanting her to do, focusing on one motion after the next. Often what results is a stilted, jerky action. Put together they would be graceful, but with shayla fighting old habits every step of the way, it morphs into something else. She often starts to fold in on herself and must force herself to avoid that reflex. And it's simple things, really. How he wishes shayla to leave his presence, walk, carry herself when she's out with him. Very simple, but so different than the habits that shayla's so long established that it's alien to her. And that she is still very much in awe of him causes her to be more anxious about doing the task well. Which, predictably enough, makes it worse.

So she does something that is still rather new for her. She faces it, forcing herself to do what it is he's wanting her to. Pushes past the shakiness and anxiety and concentrates on doing exactly what it is he's wishing. Her progress isn't smooth. Sometimes she does better than others. Sometimes not. It helps that her Master is becoming more exacting with her. Less likely to let a slip go uncorrected. To some that would make the situation worse, but for shayla it helps.

And it's coming. The more she pushes past the fear, the better she is at confronting it when she feels it again. Master has never once berated her or talked down to her for her attempts in doing as he's wished. Though there have been times that she's failed, he keeps her focus off the failure and towards how he wishes things to be done. Merely keep on with what she is trying to learn. Practice, keep at it, keep her mind on the game.

And somehow, it's all coming together.

shayla