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The longer shayla is here, the more she learns about herself. She's always known that she's capable of a great deal, but she's never been pushed and encouraged as her Master does. And he doesn't do it in a harsh manner, either. A mild comment, a question about how she does something, a suggestion occasionally. She's learned that these are not criticisms, but his gentle steering her in the direction he wants her to go. There have been times that he's been firmer than that, but even then, always encouraging.

And there have been times that it's been harder on her. When he's had her repeat the same thing time after time until it was done correctly. The day he took her through the exercises he wanted her to begin comes to mind. She was in tears, limbs trembling, as he stood with her and kept on pushing her for just one more repetition, until she was literally unable to continue, even when nudged by the switch. Then on to the next one. By the end of that session it was all she could do to stand straight, let alone walk with the grace he's been having her learn. And the remainder of the day her entire body was unsteady and aching. The next day, she performed the same exercises, and the next. As time went on she was able to do them with more grace and control, less strain and upset. At this time, she is amazed at herself that she is able to do the level of exercises she is.

There have been any number of instances like that. When she is asked to do something that she can not imagine herself doing. Obeying him in things she'd never imagined she'd be able to do. Sometimes she performs better than others. She keeps at it, keeps trying to obey him as fully as she knows how. And she knows that there are times that she's not done or learned something as well as he'd like her to. She greatly dislikes those times, knowing her best at that stage was less than satisfactory. She keeps striving to please him fully. Unrealistic, yes. But it is what she strives for.

As time goes by and her Master is more familiar with how she reacts, learns, absorbs things, the better and firmer his control over her learning process goes. She becomes more capable of understanding what it is he's expecting of her. More able to push past the uncertainty and get in and do what it is he's wishing of her. And if there's one thing that has always immobilized shayla, it's uncertainty in an act. Not knowing precisely what, how to do something, if she has been unable to find out how, she has normally frozen. Though she still tried to find out a way, find a resource, to gain some knowledge so she can perform that particular task. Now she is better at moving into the task, getting in and doing it, and trusting that he will guide her if/when it is needed. Though it's still often when :-)

At this stage, she is astounded at the development in herself that has taken place. So much of what she's doing now she'd not dreamed herself capable of 4 months ago. It's not been easy. There have been times that she's feared her Master would be disgusted with her and her performance. When, after a particularly hard time doing something, he's asked her how she felt and all she could say was 'worthless'. When she's been certain that he'd decide she wasn't worth keeping or training.

At those times she keeps in mind his viewpoint. She's only been here 3 months, and she's no longer the same person that walked into his door. A great deal of progress has already been made. As she progresses, he becomes more pleased with her. It adds fuel to her determination to succeed in what he's wanting of her. Confidence that she'll be able to do a task when he introduces something new to her.

Baby steps, all baby steps. And each one brings her further along.

shayla