Instinct

There is a site run by kaylee, a Gorean kajira, called Kindlings. She posts various questions, quotes, and so forth to be used as prompts for journal entries. These prompts are oriented towards submissive women. It's extremely helpful to writing-challenged girls (such as shayla is) in giving them a little boost in the right direction.

This week's list had the following question..

Do you trust your gut instinct? How often do you follow instinct or emotion, over what your logic is telling you?

It made shayla think about when her Master and her began speaking. Those first conversations left shayla shaken for days. It was over a week before she had a good night's sleep. She kept dreaming of him, his voice, what he'd been saying to her, his face (web-cams are very nice things). Shayla can remember like it was yesterday what she asked him at the end of that week...(disclaimer here, shayla's not got access to the archives at this point, so she's going by memory)

"what have you done to me? I've not been able to sleep until last night, the dreams, your face and voice and words ...."

Master's response sent her away from the computer and to her couch where she sat in fear for a couple minutes to collect herself and stop her shaking..

"The same as i'll always do, whatever i want."

Logically, of course, the whole thing was preposterous. A man 13 years her senior, living 1700 miles away, who she'd never met face to face, yet shayla knew with absolute certainty what would eventually happen. And in this day and age, where stalkers and liars and all sorts of people our mothers warned us about on the internet, even more so. Yet here she is, a year and a half later, owned by him, sitting here with his collar locked on her neck, in his home as he reads in the next room as she types this. And happier than she's ever been in her life. She never doubted, from word one, what would eventually happen. As for what did happen, it's here.

Did she trust her instinct and ignore logic? Not in the least, she still was cautious about proceeding. So was he. And both of us for the same reasons. Shayla's always been one to pay equal attention to her feelings and instincts about a situation as the logical facts behind it. And there have been times that she's trusted in her gut and acted to protect herself in a situation even though the concrete evidence pointed elsewhere. And in those circumstances she's not been wrong.

In other times where she was wrong, it was because she did not pay close enough attention to what her gut was telling her, and only half-way followed that inner prompting, instead of fully. Or when she allowed people's well-intended advice to over-ride her gut. So shayla has always been one to follow her gut. Though she still follows a logical course when she does so. She finds out about what she's wanting to do, gathering the facts around it.

It's one thing to pay attention to your gut feeling about something. Another entirely to close your eyes, blithely dive in, and only then find that the water's 6 inches deep. A person's always still got to pay attention to what they're doing.

shayla