Perform

Shayla mentioned in an earlier post that she had studied the belly-dancing while at the Faire. Master and her talked about it a little after the final performance. He'd asked her if she felt she'd be able to do any of the moves that she'd seen. With that one question he hit part of the core of the matter. A great deal of the moves shayla'd seen she can do, individually, but putting them together into any kind of form has been the tripping point for her. And she told Master that very thing when he asked. That the whole thing was that she does know the moves, but can't put them together. She's only been able to do one, pause while she thinks about what to do next, then do the next one. Just thinking about it brought her near tears with frustration, because it's something she wants to do well for him.

And that's the point that Master stopped her. Told her that so long as she continued to feel that she couldn't, and telling herself that, that's what would continue to happen, her inability to make progress in it. For some reason the way he said it hit her. He's told her the same, many times, but that time it was different.

Much of this difficulty of hers is her view towards performing. Shayla's never been in any kind of drama class, nor done any sort of acting, however remote. She's never been interested in it, had any desire to do anything like it. Being the recipient of such active attention has gotten her nervous in the worst sort of way. Yet here she is, her Master's property. Master can be very subtle in a lot of ways. While there've been countless times that shayla's been working on a task in the same room as he, he's often working on something. Yet she's never known him to miss anything of what she's doing while he does so. And she's serving him in a great deal of ways all the time. Isn't that serving a type of performance?

Maybe it's an odd way of looking at things, considering serving one's Master to be performing for him. Shayla's never come across anybody to speak of such a thing. But it does make sense. Because everything she does is for him.. She performs for him regardless of whether she's at work or when she's giving him a massage, or doing something more intimate. Something to think about there.

As far as the negative self-talk is concerned, Master, as he always is, is right. Shayla feeling that she 'can't do whatever only sinks into her subconscious, sabotaging her performance and making the next one even more of a challenge for her. So she'll work on this, with it, internalize it. She'll make progress with it. For some reason she has a feeling that when she gets past it, she'll have dealt with one of the more difficult facets of her slavery.

shayla